There are only two words I fear at Xmas time and they are "assembly required" This year I bought Emily (amongst lots of other things) a lovely big wooden doll house. Normally it wouldn't bother me that it had to be made up as thats Joes job but since he won't be home for xmas and since Haley is clueless in that department, I felt obliged to do the right thing...
I was pleased to see the screws were all separated out in a plastic box with compartments...however none of them looked like the screws in the picture diagrams so there was a lot of "process of elimination" throughout the whole procedure...thankfully each wooden piece was numbered which helped but I am not the greatest at following instructions so what I thought would take an hour actually took 4 hours and several times I blew a poofer valve and had to go outside and have a smoke to calm down...Emily will love it, it even has a lift for heavens sake....a far cry from the dollhouse I had as a kid made from a toilet roll box.
Ebony was been diligent at changing the numbers on the advent tree every morning and I can't believe it is only 3 more sleeps till santa comes...I am so ready for this, I can't wait to see everyones face when they unwrap their gifts.....may I add that Ella has already started to unwrap several of them none of which were hers.
We have decided on our xmas menu..prawns, chicken and honey glazed baked ham..the ham was my idea even though none of us are really into ham....but I really want to to the whole diamond criss cross thing with the cloves..looks so cool...they couldnt decide on one dessert so we are having the usual pav and trifle and this year we are adding triple choc honeycomb log...I have had a practice run and its yum...not that I should even care as I wont be able to eat it anyway.
Jodie emailed me a few days ago and said she had received her care package...she loved everything but was most excited about the milo....they seem to be loving it in Canada, Duane earned 800 dollars in tips when he helped out as barman during the world cup.....Jodie had been promoted and is now supervisor of her department and gained a payrise to....wait for it......$10.20 per hour!! She also got employee of the month which earned her a restaurant meal, a $70 gift voucher and a 3 hour snow boarding lesson.
Martin intends to take three days off for Xmas..woopdeedoo, he isnt big on the whole relaxing holiday thing, he would much rather go to work...but I think he will take a week off at the end of JAnuary so we are trying to find a holiday destination that will suit all of us...Martin hates the beach or anything even remotely related to water or fishing or anything that separates him from his big screen tv....I hate anything that resembles camping or roughing it....Ebony hates anywhere without access to a power point to her hair straightener and needs to be in close proximity to major shopping centres...as expected we havent been able to think of anything that suits all of us...in fact I reckon we should just stay at home because it meets all of the above criteria.
Thats all for now as I need to get an early night as I want to be at the shops at opening time tomorrow to do my xmas food shopping...my list is a foot long and I know th ecrowds will be out in force. Merry Christmas everyone, enjoy the day with your family and I hope Santa comes to each and everyone of you , even if you have been naughty...see you next year!

The dental work is all over folks, on Thursday I had my remaing top teeth removed and an upper and partial lower denture fitted...I was in agony for three or four hours but after that (touch wood) I was shocked to find myself pain free and now a few days later still pain free...I have to say the first time I removed the top denture to rinse my mouth I honestly almost fainted...it looks like I have been shot in the mouth..no joke, I still cant believe something that looks that bad isn't causing pain.The upside is (now the swelling has gone down) the teeth are quite realistic and dont look very fake....the downside is I talk with a terrible speech impediment and it is impossible to eat...it either hurts or I simply cant chew with them yet....since wednesday night I have had two bowls of runny porridge and a small tin of creamed rice...and eating that was an ordeal...Martin keeps asking me questions that require an answer with an S word which I simply cannot manage....you cant say s words with new dentures...So I wont have toothache for xmas...but I also wont be eating xmas dinner either!

This is as good as it gets as far as a xmas photo shoot with Miss Ella...she wouldn't co operate at all- no hat, no smiles -no way! WE even tried to get her to cooperate by letting her hold the guinea pig but she choked it and made the poor thing throw up..end of story...However I did manage a couple of cute ones of Emily.
So excited that it is only 21 sleeps til Santa comes!! The tree went up at the end of November, I give in every year. The presents (way too many) are prettily wrapped and under the tree and now we just have to await the arrival of the big guy in red. Emily is here for a sleepover tonight...she was looking at the animated Santa we have who holds a list in his hand and she asked Pop to read the names on his list...Pop rattled off the names of everyone including Ella (they were not the real names on the list) and Emily asked...Pop, isn't my name on there? Pop replied, "no it doesn't look like it" Emily placed her hands on her hips most indignantly and said, "How COULD he leave me off that list, I wasted my time being good!" We just about wet ourselves laughing.
I sent a care package to Jodie and Duane in Canada...hope they like their bloody milo - it cost me $79.50 in postage lol! I included some anzac biscuits, twisties, vegemite, milo along with chocolates, xmas decorations and green and gold aussie xmas hats and stockings...well not for Duane -he hates xmas so I sent him a black santa hat that says Bah humbug on the front. Did I mention that when Duane arrived they had changed his job...he is the portaloo guy...rofl, I will call him Kenny from now on..they seem to be enjoying themselves despite the fact that if they go jogging in the park they have to carry bear spray???Let me tell you, if you are close enough to a bear to spray it you would much rather be carrying a shot gun I reckon!
It seems I have started sleep walking again which is a worry...a few weeks ago I woke up standing next to the clothes line in the back yard and a few nights after that Martin heard the front door open, so he got up to investigate and I was off down the driveway (thank God I don't sleep in the raw!) I am shit scared of the dark, so as you can imagine it freaks me out. I was a nightly sleepwalker when I was kid, so bad mum used to have to give me sleeping tablets. When I was 11 I went into hospital to have my tonsils out...I terrified all the other kids in the ward so badly they had to restrain me in my bed. I only do it occasionally now thank heavens.
I would like to congratulate Sue Jones on becoming a Nanna for the first time to a beautiful grand daughter. You will love the job Sue! I have compiled a few tips
1. Only buy outfits if they are in colours that are easy to match up to patterned papers and embellishhments
2. If the baby is screaming and can't be settled, offer to help...when you become a Nanna you are given some sort of magical power that puts babies to sleep even though nothing ever worked with your own kids
3. Respect the fact that the parents would prefer the child not to have lollies....which means you have to hide the M&M's when they are around, then hope to God the kid doesn't point to the pantry and ask for a lol lol
4. Resist the urge to impulse buy cute toys.......for at least a minute then whip out the cash
5. Remember when they are old enough to ask for a sleepover that once you say yes they will never ever ever walk in the door for a visit again without an overnight bag.
6.Cute overnight bags can be purchased at Target or Kmart
7. You can say no all you like, but once they drop that bottom lip you will say yes quick smart
8. Expect to be the guest of honour when they have seniors day at Kindy
9. Hundreds and thousands on honey toast is acceptable for breakfast
10. YOUR grand kid is way cuter than anyone elses, even when they are being naughty!
Talk to you all soon

oops no photo, haven't had the camera out for a while! Well they are off...Jodie and Duane I mean, they left for Canada over a week ago...Big old tough me thought I would be fine and dandy and glad to claim our garage back but when the time came to say goodbye I was a blubbering mess.....I have had several emails since their arrival....food seems to be a big issue with them, they hate the grub where they are staying....the bus into the big town only comes once a week so they headed off to the corner store hoping to find some food more to their liking...jodie thought some tinned soup would be nice....beef and veg or pumpkin but the only ones on offer were clam chouder or chicken fajita....plan B was baked beans but they contained maple syrup so they settled on a box of Special K...seems the familiar packaging was about as far as it went because Jodie reckons the cereal looked like squashed up rice bubbles....I think its already time for a care package!!! On their second day they were going to go for a jog in a park but there were warning signs not to venture off without bear spray so that kind of killed that idea lol!! Also lucked out on accomodation, they were hoping for a room with just the two of them together but its Jodie, Duane and six other lads all in the one dorm, certainly must be cosy!
Things have certainly been hectic here, we have had Martins Mum come up from Victoria to stay again along with his sister who is over from Scotland and also his Aunty Betty and Uncle Eric...I thought I had the scottish accent sussed but their lingo had me puzzled many a time over the last few weeks...tarties are not jam tarts as I suspected but potatoes.....if you dee you are dead and if something has slaver o'er it dont touch it!!! It means its covered in saliva!!!!!!!!!!!!! nor yull nor means no you won't and the Scots really do say och aye!! Martin talked his sister Edith into making him a suet dumpling while she was here.....one of his all time faves, but I guess its an aquired taste..
I wasn't far out with my prediction, little Miss Ella is now walking....dont they look cute when they first start, like little robots with arms out and stiff straight legs....Ella isnt a nannies girl like Emily (not yet any way) if I put my hands out to pick her up she shakes her head"no! I thought I had finished my xmas shopping for the two littlies but Kmart had smart cyles on special the other day so I just had to grab one....do you know the ones I mean...its like an exercise bike for kids that hooks up to the tv and it looks like you are riding down the road, the faster you pedal the more points you get...now theres an idea for adults...I am sure if I was on an exercise bike with a picture of KFC on the screen in front of me I would pedal my guts out!!
While I was away at SWIG a few weeks ago MArtin and Ebony went off to Amart and bought a new leather lounge suite which was delivered yesterday... I was hanging out for a new one but after sitting on this one I am not so sure....without the worn in bum groove you sit up really high and my feet dont touch the floor...Martin hates it but doesn't say much because he chose it... I am sure it won't be long before we wear it in...the old suite was moved into....wait for it...the pool room! Well not exactly the pool room but the newly vacated double garage...Martin isn't taking any chances on having more freeloaders...I mean family taking up residence in there...so he is filling it up with as much stuff as possible...since it is detached from the house we thought it would make a great games room...Martin has wanted a pool table for ever so he bought a second hand one out of the Trading Post ...we decided that since it would be mostly Eb and her friends using it we didnt want to spend a lot of money on a flash new one in case it got wrecked...he got a 8 x 4 slate one that he haggled the guy down to 500 dollars which is pretty reasonable since the felt is ok just a bit faded and it came with a heap of accessories....aaahhh but then we had to find a way to get it home and the only choice we had was one of the few removalists who do that sort of thing, so another three hundred dollars to bring it three suburbs over....so on Saturday it will be going straight to the pool room...
Among all the chaos over the last few weeks we threw in a bathroom reno, the ensuite this time....we still had tiles left over from the last bathroom so it was just a matter of a new vanity, shower screen and dunny...our old dunny has a cracked base...Martin is blaming me...smartarse!! The tiling is all done but the other stuff is yet to be installed, its on the to do list.....along with our half painted exterior walls, the garden shed which still doesnt have a floor, the roofless pergola, the pool solar heating which is flapping all over the roof and the vanity in the other bathroom which still hasnt been finished properly...Poor Martin just doesnt have enough hours in the day....and at the moment he is suffering a severe case of gout....He gets it often but it usually only lasts three or four days at a time....this time it has been more than a week and he is suffering badly....which in turn is making me suffer...the tablets he takes make him quite ill and give him the runs...for some reason he feels it neccessary to give me a blow by blow account every time he goes to the john...waaaay too much information....
My mouth is still giving me buggery, it was just starting to be bearable and then I got mouth ulcers, by the crikey those things hurt and the stuff I have to paint on them tastes like a cross between metho and savlon...yuck!!!! and in another few weeks the rest of the painfull process takes place...these bloody false teeth better be worth it...THats if I even go back to the dentist, I have become used to chewing on the few teeth I have left, I am not sure if I can go through it all again..Santa if you are listening, all I want for xmas are a few back teeth lol
I wish you were all here the other day to witness my dog surfing....it was a stinking hot afternoon so Martins Mum, sister and I decided to dangle our legs in the pool...For the last few years thats as far as I have gone into the water but it was just so damn inviting, the kid in me burst free...Emily has a blow up dalmation pool floatie that looked just perfect for surfing on....I positioned it near the edge, took a flying leap onto it and made it almost to the other end. What fun!! I did it so many times the poor dog got a puncture but it was well worth it...I also had a go at hand stands and water ballet....very difficult to do when wearing wet denim pants and tshirt...thank god we had no unexpected visitors...the down side is I ended up with a horrific earache that night which reminded me why I dont swim.....the last time I ended up with a severe ear infection I had to go to the doctors every day for a fortnight to have a fresh antiseptic wick packed in my ear...I went to bingo one night and couldnt hear so I started to removed the packing and it looked like a magicians magic hanky trick, it just kept coming and coming and coming.....
News in brief
1. Now that Jodie has gone I have to work out how to do the tricky bookwork stuff she used to do for me...I should have listened more closely when she tried to explain things
2. It is difficult to cook for gout suffers when they cant have red meat, oily fish, shellfish, tomatoes, oranges, cabbage, peas and a million other things
3. There is NO foolproof way to empty the styrofoam balls from bean bags that require washing
4. When the tiler says the grout and sealer is still wet you shouldnt be tempted to touch it to see if that really is the case
5. DVD cases left on the floor make excellent skates if you accidently happen to stand on one...please dont try this at home because if the dvd happens to be inside the case it will cost you thirty bucks at the video shop when you return it broken in half
Thats all folks, catch you later!

Jodie had a practice run through packing her back pack for Canada (they leave in less than 2 weeks). I commented that she had done a good job till she pointed out she hadnt packed any toiletries, jumpers or shoes.....I think she may need to practice some more! Jodie weighs 42 kilos, the back pack at this stage weighs about the same...I hope they dont have to walk too far.
Day 6 after having my teeth out and I have to say it has been horrendous, I thought things would be much better by now..The pain is unbearable, I have never cried so much, what a sook. I went back a few days ago and had the holes dressed...that meant more needles...bastard!!! The only light at the end of the tunnel for me was the thought of losing weight, but guess what..I have gained over a kilo!!!!!!! I have no idea how that has happened I am living on fresh air and slop through a straw, this totally sucks...I am also constipated from all the pain killers (gives a whole new meaning to full of shit lol) Yesterday I ate....or rather sucked half a packet of licorice and downed a bottle of prune juice...hopefully today I will catch up with my back log...needless to say I wont be leaving the house today.
After months of nagging I think I have found a way to convince Martin we need a new lounge suite. The one we have is 11 years old and although the couch is still ok, Martins recliner chair is a disgrace. The leather is worn off the arms, it has two big holes and it has the most annoying squeak. The other night while he was watching tv he started slapping himself all over....he was covered in ants...and no wonder, he is forever tucking chocolate wrappers down the side of his chair and the king ant has finally discovered the mother lode. Martin absolutely loathes ants!!!!!After spraying almost a whole can of fly spray he got rid of the ants but it got me thinking I could plant some half sucked lollypops down the side of the chair....he would never cope and I just know he would suggest we get a new one....I am not devious by nature but desperate times call for desperate measures!!!
I have noticed the shops have all their xmas decorations out already, I got Emily and Ella some cute xmas shirts and hats yesterday. I have all the grandies laybys paid for (except for 1 dollar so I dont have to pick them up yet) I have also put a few things away for Ebony but I will leave most of her stuff untul just before xmas...she changes her mind too much. I would really love to get her a camcorder as I know she would have a ball with it...the only downside is I just know she will go out of her way to catch me doing something stupid, I have already featured on her myspace doing hula hoops much to her friends amusement.
Last night I thought I would have a hot oil bath in the hope it would help me to sleep. I ran a nice deep bath with a generous squirt of Avon skin so soft bath oil...love the smell of that stuff. Had a long soak and even shaved my legs which were getting to the mohair stage. I had forgotten how lovely it was to relax like that...the end of the bath reminded me why I dont do it very often. After a five minute struggle to pull out the plug I stood up forgetting how slippery a bath can be when it is full of oil....did a very graceful slip and slide act which ended with me flat on my bum...that hurts....and then I had to clean the bath because my leg hairs had left a lovely black hairy ring around ....so I ended up smelling like spray and wipe instead of bath oil....unfortunately it didnt induce sleep so I stayed up all night watching Judge Judy, Forensic Files and Columbo.
My sister -in -law has decided to have a lower face lift..Martin, who is totally tactless told her its a waste of money...that people who are 58 are meant to have wrinkles...she couldnt give a hoot what her brother thinks and is going ahead with it....the other day she took the first step and had botox injected around her eyes and in her forehead...why anyone would willingly allow someone to poke needles in their facce is beyond me, however she is thrilled with the result...I on the other hand find it confusing....I cant tell if she is angry or happy, her facial expression looks the same for both emotions....which leads me to think you shouldnt consider having this procedure if you have teenage kids....its the facial expressions that let them know you are as mad as hell....difficult to do if your face is a blank canvas
Well thats about it for now, I will catch up again soon

Thursday was a very busy day around here!! Miss Ella turned one, which astounds me as that time has flown by so fast. My prediction that she would be walking before her birthday turned out to be a fizzer, but she is very close. Haley and Joe bought the girls around in the morning to have birthday cake which as usual was very gooey so I could get good photos lol. Ella loved her presents...a fisher price push along thingo that converts to a little bike and 12 new outfits and other assorted small toys....Emily also scored as I just cant bring myself to buy one without the other so she got some new clothes and a "pretend" stainless steel kettle and toaster...I might add that in the weeks leading up to Ellas birthday both girls got gifts every time they visited because I would buy stuff but couldnt wait till the big day...so new swimmers, shoes and books...just as well I only have two grandies, I would soon go broke.

That was the fun part of Thursday, in the afternoon I was off to the dentist for major dental work...I cant remember if I have mentioned I am getting dentures, so this was the start of the whole process.....This is going to sound very "poor me" but after the pain I have endured I am entitled to have a bitch and you will all pay attention, I demand you listen to what they did to poor little old me!!!

I had to have all my back teeth out (which leaves me with six top front and six front bottom till the next stage of the process).

Seven extractions in total, had the gas full bore and 10 injections in various parts of my mouth...In my usual dramatic form I thought I was going to choke on my tongue so I went through the whole gagging and arm flapping bizzo until the dentist convinced me there was nothing to choke on and then we were under way. The first two teeth came out easily...piece of cake...then the next two took forever and I sensed problems when has asked two assistants to hold my head so he could get a better grip. Despite everything being totally numb I thought my jaw was going to crack in half, it was horrid!! My worst ever dentist visit!!

I now reside on the couch with the panadeine forte in easy reach...I cant eat anything though I did attempt some KFC potato and gravy tonight as I was starving..that was sheer hell as I have big splits on both sides of my mouth, I look like a friggin ventriloquist dummy... all I can really manage is luke warm coffee which I drink through a straw. One panadeine forte normally puts me in a coma but this time they are doing little and I have been awake since 5 am thursday morning and it is now 11 pm friday night. I feel like I have been kicked in the face and my mouth tastes like a sewer..there I feel so much better that you all listened, I think everyone is sick of hearing it around here!!

Just for a little more drama, I received a big envelope from Telstra yesterday...my bill...which was too bulky for a normal envelope.....normally my monthly home phone bill is around 165 a month...this one was $657.27...and the reason??? Ebony ringing skater boy on his mobile...sometimes up to 20 times a night...I left this one up to Dad to sort out, I was too out of it for sensible arguing...He marched up to her room and knocked very loudly on the door...

"Ebony , you are not to ring Chris on his mobile, we just got a very expensive bill"

"OK Dad"

...and that was it, nothing else , nada, no further comment, no punishment, no please explain"

I reached for another panadeine forte and waited for the pretty patterns to happen in my head.

News in Brief

*Our water tank was installed on Tuesday...it is already half full...yay!

*Martin bought a hard lid for his ute (his midlife crisis black XR8 with personalised plates) for those who dont know what a hard lid is...or if you are like me and couldnt really give a fiddlers fart....it is a solid lid instead of a vinyl tonneau cover....the purchase price of $1800 did not include the tiny packet of things that look like brads to plug up the holes where the clips for the tonneau cover used to be...an extra sixty dollars for those! Note to self...the next time he dares sling off at me about what I "waste" on scrapping, point out my tiny packet of brads only cost $2...and my scrapping tote doesnt have a hard lid!

* Our lawn is now approximately 85 % bindii....a fact I tend to forget everytime I go to hang washing on the line in bare feet

*The 500 dollar "cashy" job Martin scored for tomorrow that he thought would be used for some chrome pipes for his ute will be going towards the phone bill.....

I am going to retire to the couch now to watch reruns of Kojak and Antiques Roadshow and dream of a time when I can chew someting solid and talk without an impediment

Thanks for listening to me moan!

I must be really bored, two posts on the same night!!! I just found this picture on my camera. A few weeks ago a mother duck wandered into our yard with her five little ducklings. Emily was the first to spot them and she was so excited...actually I was too, such a novelty. They must have come from a duck pond which is four or five streets away from us. Before we knew it they had set up home in our pool area and spent happy times swimmig around in the pool...I warned everyone not to feed them and figured when it got dark, Mrs quack would take her brood back to their real home.
Woke up the next morning to find the ducks were still there...there was poo everywhere and Jodies cat was stalking them. We locked up the cat but news spreads fast and before too long every other cat in the neighbourhood was hanging out at our joint in the hopes of some finger lickin food. At one stage the mother duck ventured under the back fence taking the off spring with her. Jodie was frantic as the back neighbours have dogs. When the mother returned minus the ducklings I jokingly said to Jodie we need to say quack quack quack so all the five little ducks would come back (you all have kids, you know that little song). Jodie took me literally and stood at the back fence quacking which I thought was funny until the ducklings started appearing under the fence...Unfortunately Jodies worst fears were realised and only four of the ducklings made it back. We went to bed hoping the ducks would all be gone in the morning.WRONG!!! Still there the next day and by this time the pool looked like duck poo soup and the paths and paving areas were a mine field of hard green lumps of poo...I had no idea they could poo that much. By this time I felt we had to go into to damage control as I couldnt spend the rest of my days warding off cats and dogs. I rang the vet who told me to ring the wildlife sanctuary. They told me if we left them they would leave on their own accord and was warned not to touch the ducklings or the mother would disown them...so we left them....and they were still there the next day with double the amount of poo.I rang some more animal welfare places and got no where...even after I told them about one already being killed they just said that was nature....by this stage I wasnt really that worried about the ducks I was more concerned about the amount of faeces that was building up around the entire perimetre of the house...and that mother was mighty feisty, I couldnt even go to my own letter box without her giving me a good run for my money...a plan was devised...jodie would bring home a big box and we would catch the ducks and return them to the pond. I just wish I had some visual images of this attempt so you could get a better idea of the lunacy of this plan. We were after the mother first and then figured the little guys would be easy....five of us on the edge of the pool with pool scoops, boxes brooms and anything else that looked useful...Duane ended up in the drink and hopped out quick smart dry reaching because he has never been immersed in duck shit before.....jodie got chased by the mother and got cornered on the deck and had to be rescued by me...it was hopeless....so after much deliberation it was decided we would have to escort them back to the duck pond. Jodie and Ebony took a broom each and shooed the mother down the driveway...it worked and the ducklings followed in hot pursuit... I went only as far as the bottom of the street because I figured there was no point in all three of us looking silly, but Jodie and Eb went all the way to the duck pond. At one stage Jodie had to go into the middle of the busy road to stop traffic while the ducks crossed....It took them a couple of hours but they succeeded and they never came back (the ducks that is)
The moral of this story is ducks are only cute on the first day...after that they are lean mean pooing machines!
(Oh and in case you are wondering the broom method doesnt work on humans, I tried it on my lot and they keep coming back!)

Hi all, it's been a long time between posts! I had intended to let my BLOG die a natural death...but then I got bored.
The baby of the family turned 14 on Wednesday. Eb didn't want a fancy party this year choosing instead to have some kids over for a swim during the day and a family tea at night....her choice? KFC, too easy. I must say I wasn't impressed with her choice of cake. We always get them from the cheescake shop and I usually select something with lots of cream, but Eb chose for herself this time and it was a plain old mud cake...tasted pretty good though! Skater boy came for tea as her special guest...he bought her a teddy holding a heart which says " I love you'...hope he remembers that next time she gives him a chinese burn lol.
Next week it's Jodies birthday and she will be turning 24...holy crap that time went fast. She and Duane leave for their working holiday to Canada at the end of October so she is rushing around doing all the last minute stuff. They will be working at a ski resort and only found out last week which jobs they have been allocated. Duane will be a house person in charge of salting the footpaths, porter and room service. Jodie will be working on the information desk and switch board. Both will be paid the princely sum of $8.00 an hour which is waaaaaaaayyyyy less than what they earn now....they are already trying to make friends with kitchen staff for left over food lol..After six months I bet they will be both glad to come home to warm weather and home made meatloaf!!! I will do my best to send care packages so they don't starve!
I have been out of action for over a week because of my menieres disease...for those of you who don't know what it is, it's nothing that serious but a royal pain in the neck. I get severe bouts of vertigo accompanied by vomiting from the continuous head spins along with ringing in my ears ranging from a soft swooshing noise to a big kick arse train coming...The worst part is trying to sleep because the dizziness is worse if I try to lie down and I havent mastered sleeping in an upright position. I feel like a caged animal as I havent driven the car for over a week...I am sick of tv, I can only scrap for a few minutes at a time and the house is empty during the day because everyone else around here has a life...sigh woe is me!! I am sure it will go over the next few days and I can have my life back till next time.
My Mother in law has just gone back to Victoria after a one month visit to Queensland...she usually stays with us but this time she stayed at my sister in laws as we decided amongst ourselves that witnessing one of Ebonys "outbursts" might be a bit scary for an octagenarian.....in her day that sort of thing would have been sorted out with a whip but its not the done thing in this day and age.....I thought Ebony might actually hold herself back when Nanna came to visit but she still managed to have several tantys in her company. Oh the joys...she rang me while she was out shopping today
"Mum can I get hot pink streaks in my hair"
'NO'
"Aw why, Angela is allowed to"
"bully for Angela"
"huh?"
"you cant have hot pink streaks"
"you're so gay!"
"thanks for calling Ebony, make sure you are on the 3.30 bus"
"can't I catch the 5 o'clock bus?
"no"
"aw why Angela is allowed to"
"see you at 4"
.......thinking i have already hung up
"mum sucks, she is so over protective"
which makes me wonder ....is Angela really allowed to have hot pink streaks and catch the 5 o 'clock bus or is Angela on the phone to her mother having the same conversation? They think we are stupid!
Dealing with teenage girls is almost like a form of Chinese Torture. You live in fear of their moods, their fashion sense and their demands.
Speaking of fashion sense, flouro is back....yikes! Ebony bought a tshirt the other day emblazoned with flouro pink orange and green....hide before leg warmers resurface!
News in Brief.
1. Ella can say Mum Dad and Uh oh and can stand unassisted for a few minutes...I predict she will be walking around the time of her first birthday in a few weeks
2.Emily doesn't like Taneisha at Kindy because she said she wont be her friend anymore (more serious than it sounds, Haley has had to deal with the tears all week lol)
3.Joe has been told it will be at least another two months before he can start work because of complications with his broken foot....I will discretely invite them to tea several times a week so I know they are eating properly
4. We are having our water tank installed on Wednesday...they came and prepared the cracker dust base last week...Jodies cat thinks its a huge kitty litter tray and takes a dump in there several times a day (a job for Duane)
5. There is a 'Little People Big World' marathon on the Health Channel next week. I hope to catch up on all th eepisodes I missed.
Thats all for now , talk to you all again soon.

Well I sure did stand my ground with Ebony lol....The very next day I caved and got her much wanted guinea pig! I thought that maybe this time she really would be responsible if we got her a pet and so far so good. The cute little fellar at the top is Felix...I bought him the day I got the cage and all the expensive accessories....he is meek and mild, soft to touch and incredibly cute.....the next day we went looking for a playmate but after visiting four pet shops Homer was the only guinea pig available...in contrast he is big and mean and highly strung but Ebony took pity on him so of course he came home with us. I will be the first to admit that I am not really a creature person but these guys are pretty entertaining and Ebony (so far) is doing everything she should to care for them without being asked, so thats good. Now she is nagging me for a guinea pig lead so she can take them for walks....and I will buy one purely because that will make one hell of a scrapbook page! lol

I did the shopping today but Martin was disappointed because I didnt buy any cakes or desserts...I really wasnt in the mood for cooking but decided I would make some scones....I found a recipe that was just 3 ingredients...3 cups sr flour, cup cream, cup of lemonade....can't believe how good they turned out, the best scones ever!!! So if you want to make some just add the wet stuff to the flour, mix and knead and bake at 220 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes. Chuck on some jam and cream and you have everyone telling you what a good cook you are!

I normally have my big house clean on a Monday but since Martin was working all day today I decided to do a Sunday clean instead. My first annoyance was changing the sheets.....Because I am such a tight wad, I recently replaced the elastic in all my fitted sheets...unfortunately I have made the elastic a bit tight so I need four arms to get them onto the mattress....just when I think I have succeeded one of the corners decides to "ping" off which is very frustrating. After three beds my mood was black! Next horrible job was the main bathroom....don't you love how they clean their teeth and spit the toothpaste out but just leave the globs sitting in the bottom of the basin ....mixed with long hairs and caps off razors. The soap is always on the floor of the shower in a sloppy soggy state and the shower caddy is jammed with everything but the kitchen sink! In between I was running a chinese laundrey washing clothes that I had only just folded and put away the day before.....it seems that once you even try something on it has to go in the dirty washing basket....or heaven forbid you would have to fold it up and put it back in the drawer yourself. My next chore was cleaning out my kitchen drawers and cupboards... I threw away so many gadgets I never use that were just taking up space.... I had just finished doing this when Martin walked in with 2 big boxes of kitchen crap that his brother was going to put in a garage sale...he thought I might like them......they are going back tomorrow.

We had another escaped chook in the yard today so I had to call on Duane again....he thought he would be a smart alec and chase it right in my direction...you would be surpised at how fast I can run and how loud I can scream...Ebony came out to see what all the commotion was about and just about peed herself laughing until the chook headed for her and she ran into a closed door....needless to say Duane is in the bad books and when I made scones I failed to tell him until after they were all gone.

...and on a sweet note, Ebonys boyfriend bought her a present today...it was a packet of clay....she had been wanting some for ages...they made clay love hearts.....how romantic....or it was until Chris called Ebony diddums (she hates that) so she gave him a chinese burn and he went home....childish you may think???? Last night Martin bought me home a block of chocolate....we shared some then he said I shouldnt eat any more because my bum is big enough....I told him to get stuffed and he went to bed...Doctor Phil would have a field day analysing that!

Note to self: do not read back through old BLOG entries!!! I feel like such a failure, all this talk of losing weight and giving up smoking...I haven't done either of the above so let's just move on shall we?

Let's see where were we...ah yes, Joe and the broken leg....indeed it was broken, he did fall from a low branch of a tree and fell on a funny angle...he was flown back home to have the operation on the Gold Coast and had to wait 10 days before the swelling had gone down enough so they could perform the surgery...he will be in plaster until at least September...Haley is so thrilled...NOT! having someone else to look after...because you know what men are like, they really play on these things.

Jodie and Duane have shelved their plans to buy a house (um that's why they were staying here rent free to save lol) and instead will be leaving at the end of November for a 6 month working holiday in Canada. It is arranged through an Australian agency, they we be working at a Ski Resort somewhere...they are not doing for the money since they will only earn between 6 and 12 dollars an hour...it's rather more for the adventure aspect....Jodie doesn't want to do office admin (which is what she does here) and has applied for housekeeping or waitressing...love to be a fly on a wall, she is as clumsy as I am and has a benign tremor in her right hand (like me also) so carrying cups of coffee will be hilarious! Duane has applied to be a bellhop....lol...wonder how long it will before the glamour wears off and they get sick of being broke and not have mummy to cook for them and do their washing! I think its a great idea and told them they should get travel out of their system before they have kids...to which they replied in unison "we won't be having kids!" I believe them too!

Ebony has been in fine form for weeks now, and her little psycho outbursts have become even more dramatic...gotta love thirteen year old girls with attitude! Her latest drama was she didn't want to do HPE as a subject (sport) this term and carried on so much and made my life so hellish I wrote a letter to the school blabbing on about how much trouble she had been having with an on going virus and how I didn't think sport was such a good idea at this time...so they changed her subject to video gaming...an all boys class where they play and review computer games.....if I thought my life was hell when she had to do sport....well it got a whole lot worse when she was put into this class lol....she sux at computer games and all the boys were giving her curry so I had to send another letter saying how much her health had improved and maybe sport would be good for her...those teachers must think I am a dead set loony...the things you do to bring about a bit of peace. The fact that I am "gay", old fashioned, don't trust her, a loser and the meanest mother in the world didn't even come into play when she ws begging me to write that second letter!.....and I know what you are all thinking....I shouldn't give in to her bratty behaviour...you are so right....however you don't have to live with her rofl!

Should probably mention the photo of the cakes??No reason, just had a cooking day...I actually like cooking but I hate the fact it takes all day and all gets eaten in one afternoon... my lot are not shy when it comes to food!

We have new neighbours over the back fence and they have chooks...no worries.. I am terrified by chooks but we are separated by a fence so I could deal with it...until the other morning when I walked into the lounge room and there standing right before me with its beady little eyes looking straight at me...was a bloody chook...I nearly passed out, but realised I had to do something so I tried to shoo it out the door.....chooks can poo while they run...very effectively in fact so I ended up with chook poo and feathers all over the place till the stupid thing finally went out the door...then I had to ring Duane to come and catch it and put it back over the fence and plug up the hole where it had found its way into our yard...great! Now I live in fear everytime I go outside to hang out the washing.

As I have been typing this I have beem listening to Ebony asking her father if she can have a guinea pig tomorrow. The fact we don't have a cage didn't seem to register as she says she will put it in a washing basket... I could hear him weakening so I interjected and told her she can't have a guinea pig tomorrow we have no cage, end of story. She told me she will never learn responsibilty if she can't even have a pet......I struck below the belt and reminded her that at the start of the year her cat had been missing 10 weeks before she even realised it was gone..........I am back to being "gay" blah blah!

Is this just happening to me??? I already know all the people who have perfect children but is there anyone else out there who puts up with this kind of crap...please I am begging you come forward and cleanse your soul and make me feel better..lie if you have to!

Those little grandies of mine are sure growing up fast aren't they! Emily still comes for a sleepover at least once a week. Last time she was here I spotted her doing something naughty (I saw it in the reflection of the oven)...when I scolded her she was shocked how I knew so I told her I had eyes in the back of my head. This fascinated her so she tested me a few times to see if I knew what she was doing (and I did because I could see it in the reflection)...she stood there gobsmacked and then tried it out herself and sadly told me the eyes in the back of her head must be blind. I told her only Mum's and Nannys have eyes in the back of their heads lol. Gotta love gullible kids!

Six weeks ago I paid for a three month membership to the gym and I went for the first time yesterday..better late than never...for the first week I am supposed to do 5 minutes on the rowing machine, 10 minutes on the exercise bike, 5 minutes on the cross tainer and 10 minutes on the tread mill, then repeat.....My first day I did the rowing machime, exercise bike, the cross trainer hurt too much so I quit after one minute, did five minutes on the treadmill and decided to skip dpoing it all again...but today I felt guilty so I decided to go back and try harder....when I got the the Police Youth Club (where the gym is) the car park was chockers with police cars and there was a channel nine news crew at the door...I wasn't sure what to do , didn't know if I should enter then thought buggar it I will just walk in now....just as some important police union official was walking out and the camera crews were all scuffling for photos and here am I with my daggy trackies on water bottle in hand dodging microphones and flashes and cameras...lol, they must have edited me out because I wasn't on the news tonight. Damn, I missed my big chance to be famous!

I had to clean the salt cell on the pool the other day, it had been ages since I had done it and it was completely clogged with salt....made it nice and clean then screwed on the cap but unfortunately when I turned everything back on it was leaking like a sieve. I went to take the lid back off to check it out and the lid would not budge. I put on some rubber gloves so I could get a better grip but I still couldn't get the damn thing off. Asked Duane if he could get it off but nope, no luck...thinking it was buggared anyway I thought I would tap it with a hammer to see if I could loosen it...but still no luck. I called the pool shop and they said they would send someone over to look at replacing the whole salt cell thingy...The guy came and unscrewed it first go...so remember folks clockwise to do something up and anticlockwise to undo...it cost me thirty bucks to find that out!!!

Talk to you all again soon

I will enjoy this touching picture of my two sweet little grandies while it lasts because experience tells me in a few years time they will do nothing but fight with each other....
weight update...dont ask
I will try to catch up in no particular order. My sister-in -law Hazel flew over from Brunei this week for a brief visit....before she came she asked if her sister Linda and I could arrange to find a place to buy some wigs as the humidity in Brunei makes her hair frizzy (yeah I know!) and a hairdressers with a colour specialist...cost unimportant...We found a wig place on the Gold Coast close to where we live so that part was easy...choosing one was another story! Long and curly, short and hip, human or synthetic, hand stitched or machine stitched part, there were way too many options...In the end she couldn't decide between 2 so I told the sales assistant she would take both lol...and she did.
The hairdressers we chose for her took quite some research...all the ones I go to have "budget" somewhere in the title which just wouldnt have cut it on this occasion...pardon the pun..we finally settled on "Tony and Guys" which had a definate gay ring to it and the price list suggested first class. Linda and I were told to come back in an hour and a half which meant we had to amuse ourselves...with hardly any cash...boring!! after several cappacinos and a quick wander around some very classy clothes shops that were definately not us we went to get Hazel only to be told she would be another 2 hours ...Holy Crap we should have just taken her to Supercuts! So like a couple of street urchins we killed the next couple of hours with more coffee and some scratchy tickets freezing our bums off. When Hazel finally emerged her hair did look rather nice but when she said it cost $340 dollars for a trim and colour I almost passed out. For that much money I could outfit myself with an entire wardrobe of clothes...guess that means I am cheap and nasty lol. I would never make a successful posh person I'm afraid!
Went back to the doctor for the first lot of test results...They handed me my chest xrays when I got to reception and the whole time I was waiting to see the doc I was shaking like a leaf as there was some illegible red writing on the front which I was convinced was serious as I had spent the last fortnight convinced I have lung cancer (would explain the back pain and awful cough) ...turns out my lungs are fine and the abdominal ultrasound was also clear. Then came the blood test results...seems I am in the beginning stages of menopause...I kind of guessed that...and in his words...I am a heart attack waiting to happen....my cholesterol is terrible and my blood pressure was even worse than my last visit...he told me that I needed to stop stressing over things so much as it affects my blood pressure...I told him fine, I will deliver my tax bill (due last week) to him and let him deal with it...I would also drop off my 13 year old while I was at it...so now I have to start on Zyban next week in the lead up to giving up smoking and he wants me to join a gym to assist me in losing weight and lowering my cholesterol...hopefully also reducing my stress and improving my posture which is causing my back ache....all this news just proved my theory that you should never go to the doctor...I only went because I was getting headaches and now all of a sudden I am a stressed out wreck! Could I also add that when I got home Martin asked how I went and when I told him he started ranting about how "told you you shouldnt worry blah blah, those bloody cigarettes blah blah, you dont exercise enough blah blah, if I had a stress meter on my forehead it would have popped!
So this brings me to the following question....how the bloody hell do you reduce stress when
1. Your tax bill is overdue and you dont have a hope in hell of paying it in the near future (too late for planning ahead so dont tell me that lol)
2. your teenage daughter comes to you at 10 o'clock on Sunday evening and informs you she has an assignment due the next day and she hasn't even started it yet
3. you are trying to cook three different meals at tea time because no one likes the same things
4. The phone is ringing, someone is at the door, something is boiling over on the stove and you are trying to attend to all three things because SOMEONE is watching the football
5. You accidently throw a red sock in with a load of white school shirts
6. Your husband rings to ask if you remembered to pay his Public Liability Insurance and you lie and say "Yes of course"......and then he says good....can you fax the receipt to these five builders (yikes)
7. You are driving along and start freaking out because the temperature gauge is way up so you do an emergency lane change to pull over...then you realise you are looking at the fuel gauge
8. Your teenager needs new winter clothes (probably THE most stressful thing I endure is shopping with Ebony)
9. You realise that by this time next week you will be giving up smoking
10. You go to someones Blog and have to do word verification after you leave a comment (I have never done this successfully first attempt!)

Haley rang this morning to say Joe has broken his foot at work....we were imagining all the scenarios that could have lead up to this... falling down a mine shaft....a drilling rig trapping his foot....turns out he was sent to Broome to pick up a machinery part and while he was there he fell out of a tree????????????? Not sure if workers comp will cover this! He flies home tonight has to go straight to a hospital for surgery..while he is here we may just have to ask what the hell he was doing up in a tree in the first place lol.

Martin came home from Bunnings last weekend with a garden shed...UNASSEMBLED!!!!!!!!!!!! Invited over his brother and brother- in - law to set it up...Crikey what a fiasco!!! As they were putting it together it became apparent that it was WAYYYY bigger than he thought, we only wanted something to put the lawn mower and pool cleaning stuff in....we have ended out with something large enough to rent out...it is sitting on a quirky angle up near the back fence waiting for a concrete slab...which I am almost certain you are meant to do first....but what would I know....my favourite part is the door which has all the support brackets on the outside instead of the inside....again what would I know....so $600 for a shed, $50 for two cartons of beer which was the payment to his off- siders, $50 for meat for a barbecue because they were very hungry after a full day of assembly and $25 dollars for drill bits to replace the ones Martin threw away in a fit of frustration...and the mower and pool stuff is still out in the weather because we have to wait till the shed has a floor...Lord have mercy!
See you all next week!

I have just realised that on shopping day I throw away as much food as I put away…a lettuce seems to be a stock standard item I seem to buy every week, but apart from a couple of leaves the rest of it ends up getting tossed along with the half tomatoes, containers of milk with just a bit left in the bottom and several bread packets with a few slices left in each. If I had chooks they would be in their element…however chooks scare me to death so that isn’t an option. My kids laugh at the way I shop…Haley calls me a turbo shopper, I just zoom along tossing things in…there is no point taking my time as my lot are very set in their ways so brand switching is out…only Heinz baked Beans, Cottonelle toilet paper, Cashmere Bouquet soap….I have on occasion tried to be daring and try new brands but they veto them so the next week I have to buy their favourites again…. I am just as bad really as the other day Jodie pointed out I have a thing for lavender…never realised it before but I buy lavender soap powder, lavender soap, lavender dishwashing liquid….I always thought lavender was an old lady thing so I guess I am officially a lavender loving old lady…it could be worse, I could go for Lilly of the valley
Ebony had her boyfriend over for tea tonight…a bit of a spur of the moment thing…we had sausages and steak done on the barbeque, potato bake, baked pumpkin, savoury bread and corn….I think it was a bit of a culture shock for him, they are obviously more civilised at his house…as soon as the food hit the table everyone dove in Simpson style, digging spoons into the potato bake and dropping corn all over the table, you would swear they had never been fed!! It didn’t take him long to work out that if he didn’t hurry up he would miss out! While I was setting the table I realised I need to buy some household items….we are drinking out of glasses (that used to be filled with jam and Nutella) with Disney pictures on them… not very classy….nor are the mismatched dinner plates, survivors of three different dinner sets…and I don’t own a table cloth (used it for a drop sheet when I painted Ebony’s room)…Home decor obviously doesn’t rate very highly on my list of must haves? I think its just a case of when you live with something every day you stop taking notice…much like Martins favourite recliner chair…it is 12 years old and has a big rip in the arm and all the leather is worn where his legs go and has the most annoying squeak! I mentioned to Martin the other night that we really should buy a new lounge suite and he replied that I have a few cracks in my face and showing signs of wear but he doesn’t think of replacing me (and he thought that was a compliment lol). I had so many smart come backs in my head but I didn’t bother wasting my wit on him.
On the diet front my weight stayed the same..I am so lazy, I hate exercise so its my own fault...I have also been sneaking in a few biscuits with my coffee, so not kosher..
Just for something a bit different I thought I would start a little quiz and tag someone
Name three things that scare you. Chooks, electricity bills and 13 year olds with PMS
The daggiest thing in your music collection. Hits of the 70’s (which I Love!)
Your three favourite clothing items. My pink flannelette pj’s, my blue flannelette pj’s and my penguin pj’s
Your partners most annoying habit. I have so many to choose from but probably that he doesn’t look in the mirror before he makes smart comments about me
What stresses you out. Shopping with teenagers, trying to send faxes, driving, cooking more than three things at once, loud music or tv’s, doing letter verification on blogs, standing on bathroom scales, soduku puzzles.
If I could change the world I would……………..put dimmer switches in changing rooms, invent carpet that self cleans, make chocolate a part of the healthy food pyramid, include a mute button on teenagers (and husbands) outlaw any exercise that caused working up a sweat
7 Your favourite household chore…. Ha!!! Funny!
8 If you had fifty bucks to spend at Target which section would you head straight for…. Toys…though I should probably go to the homewares section
9 In my next life I would like to come back as …..a size 10
10 Your least favourite celebrity…Paris Hilton…I so wish I was Bea Smith right now (if you are under 40 you probably wont get that one lol)
ok I tag Debbie Y and Tess

Check out my Slide Show!

What a wonderful time Emily had at her 4th birthday party. I have been to Hungry Jacks parties before and was never overly impressed but this one was lovely...guess it depends which one you go to...the party room was a flurry of pink with fairy placemats, party bags and party favours and the little girls all looked gorgeous in their fairy outfits. (One lone boy didn't seem very pleased lol). This is the fairy outfit Emily chose for her birthday...when she saw it in Toys R Us she said "Nanny, this is the one!" We were actually there to buy a sandpit but I couldn't resist that look on her face so of course i had to buy it too ....among other things.
The party bags were a big hit, and at the end there were some left over which were literally snatched up (by the mums lol)
Emily has already been for a sleepover with her new Barbie pull along suitcase...knock knock on the door and a little voice calling "Nanny, I'm baaaack!' lol. She packed books , games and money but no clothes!
That's all for now, I just had a few people asking how the party went, I will "see " you all again on Friday!

I forgot to check in last week as I was away at swig but my weight last Friday was 72 kilos...a .6 loss...but...I obviously ate too much while I was away and put on a kilo over the weekend...I tried to make up for it this week and weighed in at 72.2 this morning so I can live with that, it's a minor set back.
Miss Emily turns 4 tomorrow and is having a fairy party at Hungry Jacks..It's a little easier for Haley as Ella has been sick and she wouldn't have had time to organize things...I was miffed as it meant I wasn't needed for mouse cakes duties....one of my fave jobs, I have been making those little patty cakes for the kids birthdays for years...Haley softened the blow by putting me in charge of lolly bags...Jodie and I had a working bee the other night making Fairy shoe party bags (they are actually baby shoes but Emily won't notice lol) They are made from Bazzill bling cardstock and I have to say they look pretty darn cute though after making 20 I was over it!
I went shopping with her for her birthday present the other day and I got her a sandpit and sand toys, a new fairy costume, a rolling suit case for when she comes for sleepovers (that was her idea lol, I made sure it was only big enough for an overnight stay) and some Dora toy...then Ebony reminded me I had a set of books and a really cute bag and purse up in my wardrobe...I really must stop stashing things in there, I forget about them.
I came home from my weekend expecting the worst but the house wasn't too bad, I think Jodie must have been on their case. I had to have a chuckle at Martin though when he told me he washed his own work clothes like it was some major drama...I pointed out I had done all the washing before I left and since he only worked on Saturday it was only one set of dirty clothes but he was determined to let me know I inconvenienced him...care factor zero!!! Eb had been shopping with Daddy Dearest while I was away and scored some new jeans, tops and a dress...boy she has him wrapped around her little finger!!
Today I cleaned out the fridge as it had developed a disgusting odour...not the nicest job is it....I wish you could buy half tomatoes as we seem to only use half and then put the other half in the fridge and leave it till its all shrivelled up. The crisper was the offending location, I found a cucumber that had turned to liquid which was causing the stench although the mouldy pumpkin didn't smell like roses, I must say...I found some mayonnaise that expired last year and a container of something I wasn't game to open so it went in the bin tupperware and all! Seems my house keeping skills are slipping, my mother would have been in her glory armed with the spray n wipe and a chux cloth.
I went into Ebonys room today and all her Beanie Kids had been dumped unceremoniously into a plastic bag and taking pride of place on the shelf were her dirty orange gym boots...what the??? When I questioned her she said it looked cool....so tomorrow I am getting rid of the ornaments on my bookcase and I am going to hang my undies there...I wonder if that will look cool? I can't keep up with what's cool these days...it seems Ebony spends hours straightening her hair then does some messy crooked hanging out pony tail thing...and that's cool....then she takes a perfectly good school folder and scribbles all over it with nikko pen and white out..and that's cool....as is skinny leg jeans that are too long so the hems go right under you feet.....it is not cool however to walk next to your mother when you go shopping...a few paces ahead or behind is the rule...also on the not cool list is getting a call on your mobile from your mum while you are on the school bus... I have been warned repeatedly about that one... Have to admit cool rules were around when I was her age, they were just a little different...like wearing jeans so tight you almost ruptured your spleen when you tried to sit, or writing Hush and AC/DC all over your school bag or better yet wearing knitted bikinis with your body lathered in coconut oil...no wonder I am so wrinkly now.
And speaking of bikinis I almost wet myself at swig when the lovely Anna was talking about the day she walked past a beauty salon with her daughter and commented that she wouldn't mind having a Brazillian wax...her daughter asked if she knew what it was and was a little shocked to learn it had nothing to do with the hair on your upper lip! How would you feel if you rocked up and asked for a brazillian and the therapist asked you to lie down and spread em...and you gave them a big smile...lol
On that note....

Happy Mother's Day everyone, I hope you all enjoyed your special day, I know I sure did! My day started with a Mc Donalds breakfast which Jodie brought home for me...a deli bacon and egg roll and cappucino...very yum but I had to skip lunch as those suckers are loaded with calories...I was starving by tea time. I was spoilt this year and got new pajamas, new dresses and shoes, a step machine and Eb got me a tiny little gold heart on a chain that says Mum. My sil was down for the day so we went to one of the big shopping centres for some retail therapy....I just had to get a new cordless phone as our old one died and its hell without it...the phone rings up to twenty times a night between 5 pm and 8 pm...all the calls for Eb.....she has had to slum it and talk on the wall phone in the kitchen which is a drama in itself...she has to whisper so we can't hear and she shoots me a dirty look every time I walk into the kitchen like I have just ruined the party...so today I got a nice new cordless with two handsets so I can leave one in her room so she doesnt ever have to leave the "cave" except for food or toilet...it works for both of us!

Lost 1 kilo this week bringing my weight to 72.6...boy it was hard this week, we had Martins birthday and two nights over the weekend with takeaway....while they scoffed their pizza and KFC I made myself proper low fat meals and passed on the mud cake which just about killed me, it would be so much easier if it were fashionable to be "slightly rounded".

Martin had a fantastic birthday on Wednesday. Jodie and Duane got him new runners...He was thrilled to bits as his existing ones are older than Ebony! New clothes and socks and jocks, but the present he was most excited about came from his brother and sister..they got him a gift voucher to drive 5 laps in a v8 supercar at Willowbank raceway over the June long weekend...he carried on like a little kid, I have never ever seen him that excited...and to think I tried to talk them out of it as I didn't think he would take a day off to do it! I cant wait til its over as every time we go somewhere in the car he practices maintaining constant speed around sweeping curves...I shit myself (more than ever) now every time we go out...

Jodies boyfriend works at Melba's Nightclub here on the Gold Coast, a job he started just a few weeks ago...every afternoon we get his excited run down on his previous nights work, how he had to have his photo taken with a group of bikini girls, how he met someone famous..blah blah...but on Saturday he was very quiet..when I asked how work went he blurted out"do I look gay to you??" Apparently he was having a good old natter with some bloke until he realised he was being chatted up rofl! Martin is having a field day with that one..

In an effort to make exercise a little more interesting I bought myself a hula hoop this week. I suck at it big time but every afternoon, I go out the back to give it my best shot...nothing wrong with that...the other day I hear Ebony and 3 of her friends in hysterics in her room...when I go to see what's going on I got the shock of my life...Eb had secretly filmed one of my hula sessions and put it on her "my space" set to the music of "I like to move it move it". I look like a whale trying to jump through a hoop, it is truly one of the most embarrassing things I have seen...I have asked her to take it off but she won't...that's ok I will wait till she wants to go somewhere and the ball will be back in my court...exercise is one of my pitfalls I hate everything about it...Jodie loaned me her pilates dvd's and I was really keen ......for about 60 seconds....I don't know what happened to my flexiness but I can't lay on my back with my legs raised AND lift my head off the floor....not even for a few seconds....the skipping rope I bought is now in Emily's toybox as I discovered I pee when I skip and after nearly knocking myself out with my hand weights, they too have been retired....so this new stepper will be interesting I know the idea is to try and do it for half an hour but I do a half dozen steps and my legs ache so I quit....and unfortunately you don't burn many calories lying on the couch watching Dr Phil...bummer!

Emily turns 4 in a few weeks and this year Haley decided on a party at Hungry Jacks as Emily has been to a few and like the idea...I was shattered at first because it meant I won't be needed for mouse cakes or M &M slice but then Haley softened the blow by telling me I am in charge of party bags...woohoo, I am thinking of doing fairy slippers..Stay tuned for that one!! (meaning I have no clue how to do that just yet!)

Well thats about it for this weeks check in, catch you all in 7 days

Go on ask me how I went with the diet! I fair dinkum didn't cheat once this week and I'm happy to say I lost 2.4 kilos so I am now 73.6...and bloody Martin has blitzed it on the Tony Furguson diet going from 85 kilos to 79.6 ...over 5 kilos!! I had to burst his bubble a bit and warn him that when he starts eating normal food again he wont lose anywhere near that much. I have to begrudgingly admit he deserves the success he has stuck to the plan like glue. I try to eat the same as him for tea but tonight it was some steamed fish in a pouch bizzo and I was dry reaching as it was cooking.....I bailed out and had something different. As you can see my roller blading technique hasn't improved, it takes a split second to fall and five minutes to get up again...also love the arm action at least they get a good work out lol.

I have just suffered yet another embarrassing moment..Eb asked me to take her to the video shop so I changed out of my pj's into a pair of jeans that were lying on my bedroom floor. While we were standing in the shop I felt something on my foot and thinking it was a bug, flicked my leg....it was a pair of undies that must have been in the leg of my jeans...of course it couldnt happen in an empty shop, it was jammed packed...I got looks varying from sympathy to a smartarse grin on one teenage boys face...I felt like grabbing the undies and rubbing that smirk clean off his face! This has happened to me before, you should always check the legs of your jeans before you put them on

Went shopping the other day to get Martins birthday present (it's next Wednesday) He is so hard to buy for, all he likes is t-shirts and shorts, he has no hobbies aside from watching telly ..and chocolates are out this year because of his diet....so shorts and shirts was what I got...but while I was in Big W....which in my opinion is the BEST shop I saw two dresses I liked so I rang Jodie and asked if she would like to buy me a dress for Mothers Day which she jumped at....and the other one...well that can be from Martin...my expensive taste astounds me, they were 24.95 each!! lol

Eb was with me and was horrified at my choices and said they looked like mu mu's and begged me not to get them.....hello!!!! I can't exactly get around in skinny leg jeans and crop tops! (Well I could put I would need to pass out buckets). Eb bought herself another eyeliner...what is it with teenage girls and eyeliner??? I could put my foot down and tell her she isn't allowed to wear makeup but as we all know that would immediately put me in the "so gay" bracket and also the "you just don't get it" bracket as well, so I will save my battles for more important issues like body piercings. It was lunchtime by the time we had finished so we went to the food court to grab a bite...Eb had Maccas and I wandered from kiosk to kiosk and couldn't find a single thing that even looked remotely low fat..so I had to sit around dozens of people scoffing their faces while I drank a diet coke...while I was there I observed how many people have a g string hanging out when they sit down....I mean half way up their backs.... for blokes it's bum cracks, I don't know what's worse! Do you do that.??..observe people while you are sitting around??...I can't believe how many people pull out wedgies or scratch their bums or worse still drop a fart while they are walking around and don't give it a second thought...I save all that stuff for the privacy of my own home. It's the same when you are sitting in your car in traffic and you see the person in the car ahead of you looking for treasure in their noses...having a real good dig around without even checking to see if anyone is looking...

My personal favourite is the toff nosed ladies in high heels that check out their reflections in the shop windows as they walk past...when I catch my reflection I think, god who's that fat chick lol

We have had our fair share of bickering over homework and assignments this week ..so damn stressful! Ebony is hopeless at organising herself and leaves everything till the last minute then starts bitching and carrying on...thank god for the internet, when I was a kid you had to look it up in the encyclopedia...and ours were so old a lot of world events hadn't even happened yet....wouldn't you be spewing if you were an encyplopedia salesman now....it all fits on a compact disc lol

That's it folks, I did warn I wouldnt have much news if I updated weekly!! I will try for some sort of disaster for next week I promise!

I am under pressure now that Jackie has challenged me to update weekly!!! If I can't come up with some news I will just have to lie!!
Well as you can see, Miss Ella is now on the move however her technique is rather odd lol. Up on the palm of her hands, bum held high and doing a serious split manoevre she then takes a lunge forward planting her face into the carpet, then does it all again to caterpillar all over the place...it might look a bit strange but she can do it with alarming speed. Emily gets really miffed all the time because Ella gets into her space wrecking her games, grabbing her dolls and all sorts of other mischief...Sibling rivalry has begun...
This week Martin and I both came to the realisation that we need to lose weight. I found a website that works out your BMI and did a calculation on us both...martin came up as obese and was most indignant so I added some centimetres to his height so he could be overweight instead..I too came up as overweight (using my real height, I am not a sook like him). He has started the Tony Furguson diet which is run through Terry White chemists, replacing 2 meals a day with a protein shake and an evening meal...he cant have bread, rice, pasta or biscuits ...no worries he says I love vegies...um cant have potato, pumpkin, peas or corn...what else is there??? Was thrilled to know he could still have a beer....but only if he sacrifices his fruit allowance of the day (which doesn't include his favourite fruits of rockmelon and watermelon!) Good luck to him, I had to be realistic and admit I would never in a million years stick to that so I am just doing a healthy eating plan that does include my favourites....I couldnt survive a day without bread!! I will be brave and let you all know my starting weight of 76 kilos, I need to lose 10 kilos to be at the top of my healthy weight range...please ask me every week how I am doing so I will shame myself into not failing (again!) I also bought one one those huge exercise balls and some hand weights...I dont care how wide your bum is , it is next to impossible to try and balance on one of those things, while trying to lift weights...funniest home video would have a field day here while I am trying to do my stuff!! Martin also has to lose 10 kilos and unfortunately has way more will power than me so it will be interesting to see how we go...The first test came for me tonight when Ebony had a dagwood dog and chips for tea while I had a half a tin of vegetable soup (which looked very much like diahorrea in a toilet bowl...yuk!) I almost snuck into the kitchen to lick the paper Ebs tea had been wrapped in but I held back...only just!
I spent the afternoon at the doctors as I have been suffering from dreadful headaches...I had a coughing fit as soon as I entered his office which straight away earned me a piece of paper to take for a chest xray and a huge lecture on smoking and lung cancer...not even what I was there for...he then gave me a menopause questionnaire to fill out where I had to put a number between 0 and 3 next to each question...He told me that a score of over 15 was a concern...........I scored 52...(the highest I have ever scored on a test lol) so I have to go for blood tests yada yada as well as an abdominal ultrasound as he thinks there is a problen with my gall bladder...and then a colonoscopy because my brother had bowel cancer at forty...and at the same time I am having a colonoscopy I am also to have a ...whatever you call that scope they put down your throat and into your stomach....oh and a mamogram and pap smear....how much does that suck!!! go in for a headache and I come out like an old fart (no offence to any old farts out here).
Other news???
1.Eb is still going out with her skater boyfriend...its been weeks...I obviously didnt scare him off last time I did his hair as he is coming in the morning to have his roots redone.
2. Jodie has finally got all her test results back...the doctor was very concerned she has lost 5 kilos over the last few months...she now weighs 42 kilos...thyroid and all other tests normal.....verdict...she is naturally thin....( dont you hate people like that!!!! She eats like a horse!)
3. My bathroom is still waiting to have the vanity doors put on...I might as well do it my bloody self! cept I would have to use a drill and that could get ugly!
4. I burnt my lip on a piece of tomato out of my toasted sandwich...while I was carrying on trying to get it off my lip the rest of the tomato went down the front of my top...while I was carrying on trying to get the tomato off my chest I knocked over my can of pepsi max on my BAS statement and all through my keyboard...lesson in there for you all
5. Drove up to visit Mum on Anzac Day...Came home with 12 bottles of green tomato pickles and a shirt she got me from the op shop...in her eyes I am still thin because the top was a size 8 and the ugliest little number I think I have ever seen in my entire life...thank God it's too small
6. Haley rang to tell me Ella can wave bye byes and then said to Ella "show Nanny how you wave bye byes" duh don't know which side of the family she inherited her brains from...ok so it was me lol
7. I have learnt that I can't do a soduku...Jodie and I have started to do the Thats Life puzzles and I cant for the life of me do the stupid soduku...To add insult to injury in the blurb of the puzzle it states its a game of common sense...I waited till Jodie went to bed and copied the answer from her magazine....
I don't have an 8, 9 or 10
see you next Friday and dont forget to ask me how I am doing with my "lifestyle change" (you know the stinkin diet!)

Happy Easter everyone!!! I have been very slack and haven't updated for yonks, however because of the very mundane life I lead you haven't missed much. We have recently renovated one of our bathrooms. The house is twenty years old so the bathroom was looking very sad indeed...tiles falling off, grout permantly scarred with mould, a vanity that left droppings of chipboard every time you opened or closed the doors, well past its use by date. I had visions of a pristine white bathroom, the sort you see in decorator magazines, however our budget didn't allow for that kind of luxury, we got instead an elcheapo version. Martin says it looks like a block of public toilets lol. When you watch those make over shows it all looks so easy, they must edit out all the crap that goes on behind the scenes...When I didn't want the tiles to come off they would fall like a deck of cards whenever you had a shower....but when I was trying to remove them for the renovation they didn't want to come off at all. Armed with a chisel and hammer I sat for days removing them, so pleased when I had finally finished only to be told by darling husband that the thick black glue also had to be scraped from the walls-that took another couple of days. It was all down hill after that, our plans of doing everything ourselves went out the window because of plumbing and drainage problems so we were over budget by a country mile after paying tradesmen to fix everything up we ended up paying a tiler as well because Martin just doesnt have enough time after working 14 hour days. I am also not very good with colours either as my white tiles turned out to be cream. Never mind its clean and new and doesnt leak, even if it is a bit ugly lol
Haley and the girls are sleeping over tonight as Joe is back at the mines and they thought Easter Bunny at our place would be more fun....we have just finished doing the traditional stencilled bunny footprints, wonder what Emily will think of it this year...Last year she asked her Mum why there was baby powder all over the floor...Haley told her it was storm dust that Easter Bunny had walked in, all through the house..Emily replied....Oh yes, storm dust....but it smells very much like baby powder!
Eb has just returned home from a date with her boyfriend...they went to Sizzler with his Mum and little sister...too cute. Chris is a skater boy (not a surfy, get it right). Last week I had to blonde his hair as his Mum had never done it before and asked if I would do it for him...three girls in the house I can do it with my eyes closed...the good thing with boys is they dont carry on if it goes a bit orange...ok a LOT orange rofl
I have extra house guests again....Haley had no sooner moved all of her crap out of our garage when Jodie asked if she and Duane could move in there for four months till they buy a house...12 years we have lived here and we have never once been able to park our car in that garage ! Martin cannot for the life of him pronounce Duanes name...not sure if its his Scottish accent but it comes out duh -wayne with a real dopey sound to it. They have also brought along their cat, which just to be confusing is called dog .
Other news in brief
*Ella is nearly six months old and worms around on the floor like a caterpiller getting into all sorts of mischief
* Ebony got a "much better than ususal" report card which ungrounded her this weekend
* I have finally thrown away the sample sized bottle of lux shower gel which for three days running I confused with the colgate bottled toothpaste
* I have Easter Eggs coming out of my ears after discovering the hidden stash of eggs in my wardrobe I had forgotten I had bought weeks ago, so everyone gets double
* Emily says Pop is no longer on her team after a backyard game of soccer resulted in her getting a ball in the chest...she says she will never play soccer with him again....Pop is pleased

And to finish off, a rather gross tale....Martin like many poor tradesmen who work outside in the stinking heat, suffers from heat rashy groin....(you know if someone suffers from this just by the way they walk) My mother told him if you used an antiperspirant roll on in this area it alleviates the problem. I didn't give this a second thought until I was going shopping
Martin: Dont forget to get me some deoderant while you are out
Bev: I bought you a tin of Brut spray last week
Martin: No not spray, roll on
Bev: You don't use roll on
Martin : Yes I do, I have been using yours
So very nice of him to tell me he had been using my Dove for weeks....eeeeww!

Yesterday when the phone rang I thought it was someone playing a practical joke on me and I was not only rude but used swear words as well....so of course when I found out it was a charity I felt it only proper I should purchase the rather expensive steak knives that were on offer. The phone and I have a real love hate relationship...it's always lovely when it's a call from someone you like but most times it's from someone I would rather not hear from... I love to be able to support charities but there are so many now I can't support them all and there is nothing worse than saying no to somebody...unless it's one of those dreaded negative gearing mortgage set ups, time share, opposing phone companies or purified water salesmen.... It's gotten to the stage where I get butterflies in my stomach every time the phone rings.
I love listening to Martin talking on the phone, its like he is talking into one of those tin cans and string get ups you used to make when you were a kid...he yells as if that's the only way they can hear him...Ebony uses the no hands method strutting around the house with the cordless phone tucked into the crook of her neck talking to friends she was just on the bus with five minutes ago. I also am intrigued when the phone rings how we all sit there waiting for someone else to answer it...we all make a half hearted attempt to look as if you are about to get up but no one actually does until its too late and the caller gives up. Because Martin goes to bed so early, if we get any calls after 6 pm he always says...'Who the hell would be ringing at this time of night" lol. My absolute pet peeve is the automated responses you get when you ring a business...if your enquiry is regarding blah blah press 1...if your call is regarding blah blah press 2.... I can never take it all in and forget which option I am after and have to go back to the main menu and listen to it all again. Just today I had to call Austar regarding our pay tv account....voice responses this time...even worse.
"Please state what your enquiry is regarding"
"bill enquiry"
"bill enquiry, is this correct?"
"yes"
"Are you after current balance, bill payment or other"
"other"
"I'm sorry, was that other?"
"Yes"
"please wait while we put you through to a customer service officer"
****interlude of other fabulous austar packages available ****(this goes on for a good five minutes!)
ring ring , ring ring, ring ring, ring ring, ring ring.....
" I'm sorry but we are currently experiencing heavier than normal phone traffic, please call again later"
Doesn't that just really pi** you off!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually doesn't the phone bill pi** you off even more...Anyone with a teenager in the house will know the shock of opening up a phone bill and seeing the monthly total...enough to feed a third world nation for a few weeks! Add to that the rates, the car rego, electricity bill and before you know it you are eating sausages and mince for weeks on end.
Anyway, enough of the whinging, this week we have had lots of lovely rain and with that the grass has gone green and grown much faster than usual...guess that means I will be mowing some time this week..Its a job I really love but it always comes with its trials and tribulations...Like how you are supposed to get that petrol into the tiny hole in the petrol tank....funnel I hear you say...keep forgetting to buy one of those.....so instead half of it ends up on the driveway (note to self, don't light cigarette). Then I have to remember if the lever on the handle is meant to be up or down when you pull the cord.....after twenty pulls you realise its obviously meant to be up....but by then you are so knackered you have to rest for 10 minutes before you try again...then its a matter of avoiding obstacles like clothes pegs, screwdrivers and my personal favourite, the neighbours dog's crap...if they are old and white it isn't an issue, it just goes up like a puff of smoke....but if you happen to hit a fresh one it gets REALLY ugly. Our front yard is a rather steep hill so going down is a breeze but pushing the mower back up is another matter entirely....you can feel it starting to slip backwards and all you can think of is how you would manage minus your feet. I hope I never find out!
Speaking of missing limbs lol, when Martins brother was in his twenties he lost his arm in a motorbike accident (30 years ago now) When he buys shirts or jumpers he cuts off one sleeve and sews up the opening. Last time we visited Victoria, Gordon gave Martin a bag full of jumpers and shirts. When Martin asked what the hell he was supposed to do with them, Gordon got quite shitty and said "well if you are going to be ungrateful I will give them to the op shop!" (not sure if they get much call for one armed jumpers either rofl)
As usual I have waffled on about nothing in particular once again, so until next time..