Hi all, hopoe you had a great weekend. Thought I would share a pic of the swirly frame I did for Julie at A2Z Scraplets A2Z. It was so quick and easy to do, in fact it took under 20 minutes. I took it outside and sprayed it with mat black paint, then it was only a matter of adding the photo and a few embellishments. If you would like to have a go at one you can buy the frames from The Scrapheap which can be found here.

First weekday of the holidays and somehow, my one kid has turned into four. I have Ebony, her boyfriend, her boyfriends younger brother and her cousin. Todays activity is fishing. If they were expecting Rex Hunt style there was bound to be disappointment. No fancy ugly sticks here, I bought them all a handreel and a packet of prawns and this morning I will be sending them off on the bus with a bottle of cordiol and some sandwiches.

Yesterday we planned a mini family outing to Robina Town Centre with Eb and her boyfriend Zac. I had saved a little money I wanted to buy Eb some track pants and a jumper...(not from Citibeach-her shop of choice ). She was actually very good about buying the stuff from Kmart and Cotton On and for forty dollars she got three pairs of trackies and a hoody. No moaning about the brands, so sulking at all. Lulled me into a false sense of security because usually family outings end with a tanty from Eb, a scolding from me and Martin swearing he will never go anywhere with us ever again. Oh dear, I was soooo wrong...she started about the iphone she wants for her birthday (months away yet). We dragged to all the phone stores to look at this over priced gadget. I told her it was unlikely we could afford it in time for her birthday and that's when the hissy fit started....yes it WAS exensive but if we got in on a plan....I told her plan was out of the question, she tots up phone bills higher than the national debt...the "you are mean" comments started flying along with a big long rant and she stomped off....Martin was oblivious to the whole tirade, he was browsing the butcher shop window...when he came back to me Ebony was missing in busy shopping centre cyber space along with Zac who had gone to look for her. Of course it was my fault because ...well it's always my fault no explanation needed. $%# this Martin says, I am going home. So off he stomps with me running behind. We were almost home when I get a phone call from Ebony asking where we are...when I told her she got really angry and told me it wasn't fair, she didn't stomp off she was just looking in a shop window (yeah right). So yet ANOTHER family day was ruined! As soon as we got home Martin jumped in his truck and drove off like a maniac to go and sulk somewhere and half an hour later Eb and Zac arrived home on the bus....and boy did I give it to her...the talk about grattiude...and how life didn't revolve around her...then I threw in the bit about kids in other countries dying of hunger and they did't whinge about owning iphones-no arguements this time she knew she was in the wrong and went straight up to her room and tidied it up , brought out all her dirty dishes, put her clothes in the laundry basket (the sure sign I knew , she was aware she had done the wrong thing). There are two ways for me to look at this. The first and most obvious is that she is spoilt and ungrateful. The second is that today she is happy to go fishing with a three dollar hand reel and a bottle of cordiol. I know that every weekend she is home playing wii and watching movies out in the garage with her friends...she isn't out smoking bongs, drinking alcohol and getting into trouble with the police....and in about 5 years time she will move out of home and someone else will be putting up with her moodiness. Some of you reading this will be shaking your heads and others will give that knowing nod which means "I know exactly what its like to have a teenager." Lord give me strength-and a double vodka!

The winter chill is definately in the air now, I have got the heater blaring. I bought Emily and Ella a cute beanie and scarf each...they look so cute...buuuuutt I think Ella looks a bit bogan lol
That's the thing with 2 year olds, they have no sense of style...which is the pot calling the kettle black . When I was a teenager waaaaayyyy back in the seventies I was a style icon in my flares and platform shoes but these days I am the daggiest nerdiest thing going....in fact right at this moment I am dressed in tracky pants that are low waisted...which means half of my bum crack hangs out when I sit down, topped with one of Martins old t-shirts and pink bed socks-sexy mumma!-NOT!!!!

Ebony has been doing work experience at a child care centre all week. She comes home every day with tales of toddlers who she reckons are "psycho" and have tantrums and don't do as they are told...HELLLLOOO...When she was that age she was the queen of tantrums. She would hold her breath till she passed out, she would bite herself and pull her hair out in clumps....and the real show stopper was being able to vomit on demand...which meant if we were shopping and she wanted a toy and I said no...she would vomit...not just a little chuck but a huge dramatic chunder followed by choking. (The paediatrician told me very few children mastered that magic trick-lucky me!)

School holidays start here tomorrow, yippeee...not! Back in the good old days when the business was doing well and money wasn't an issue we could whip out the cash and shout Eb and a friend to Movie World or Dream world...but I am afraid these holidays we will be waiting for Cheap Tuesdays at the video shop for the $1 movies. I no doubt will have the boyfriend Zac (Eb's boyfriend not mine) for most of the holidays...but he is very pleasant, polite and helpful so he's no bother...in fact he is so nice sometimes I feel like keeping him...because he doesn't get PMT.

I am off to buy nit shampoo tomorrow.. a little souvenir from the childcare cantre...Ebony is scratching like mad so I am guessing we will find critters...It has been years since we have had to go through that dreadful daily ritual...from grade one to grade five it was almost a daily occurance..except in the school holdays when we would have a few weeks of nit free bliss. Those little buggars can be quite resiliant, I swear you could almost see them doing backstroke in the shampoo foam...I am surprised Ebony hasn't burnt them alive with her hair straightener...and those of you with teenage girls will know all about the hair straightening ritual. Ebonys end of the house always has the lingering aroma of singed hair.

It's been a while since I have done a quiz so I reckon I should put you all to the test

1. It's 9pm and everyone else is in bed...you are feeling a bit peckish so you head to the kitchen for a snack..do you choose

A. a few rice crackers and a glass of water

B. a cup of coffee and just one biscuit

c. a cup of coffee and nearly half a packet of biscuits

2. You put on your jeans and for some reason they don't even go close to doing up . Do you

A. Resign yourself to the fact that you have put on weight.

B. Accuse someone of shrinking them in the clothes dryer

C. Figure that if the jeans dont fit anyway you may as well eat the second half of the packet of biscuits

3. You have just finished a 9 hour shift at work and the grand kids come for a visit and want you to play. Do you

A. Go out the back and play a vigorous game of catchy

B. Tell them you will play doctors...and that you are too sick to get off the couch so they will have to come and make you better

C. Tell them Pop needs their help outside washing the ute.

4. It's the tenth call today from a pesky tellemarketer. Do you

A. Buy whatever the hell it is they are trying to flog

B. Politely decline their offer

C. Ask them what time they will be cooking dinner and when they ask why...say " so I can bloody ring you when you are in the middle of doing something"

5. Your teenager asks if you can buy them a $600 iphone. Do you

A. Say yeah sure and buy it

B. Tell them that it is an expensive item and that perhaps they should look for a little part time job and save up for one

C. Burst out laughing and tell them to rack off.

6. Your mum gives you a really ugly top she bought for you at the op shop. Do you

A. Gush about how beautiful it is and put it on straight away

B. Say 'What a shame it isn't my size but it might fit one of your sisters"

C. Tell your Mum it's crap but Hubby will use it to wash the car.

7. Your husband-when asked -says "Yes..your bum DOES look big in that". Do you

A. Shrug and figure you thought as much

B. Give him the death look and thank him for his opinion

C. Think under your breath " yeah, you baldy headed little fat bastard, you obviously forgot to look in the mirror this morning

If you answerd mostly A's...you are such a liar, no one is that nice

If you answered mostly B's ...I still think you are fibbing a bit...but good for you anyway

If you answered mostly C's...welcome to MY world!

That's all folks I am off for a cofee and half a packet of biscuits

I already remembered some news lol. Just wanted to say how much I love browsing the gallery over at the Scrapheap. I think I have been a member of aussielayouts for five years or more now and through peoples layouts I have watched everyones kids grow up, followed their travel adventures, witnessed weddings and new births and made many many wonderful friends. If you want to check out the gallery just go here .

Also Julie has a great sketch challenge going on over at the A2Z Scraplets blog. You can check it out here. There is a great pricze up for grabs so you should really have a shot at it....there is a new competition every month so keep checking back. This months sketch was really pretty and I really enjoyed doing my layout...

....and by the way, no one...I mean no one si to bag me out about my music selection...cos I like it! lol

ok that really is all I remember now- as you were!

Well somehow six months has slipped by since I last updated, I have no idea where that time went! This cute photo was taken at Emily's 6th birthday party which was at the end of May. She had a night time birthday party and then ten of her little friends slept over (brave on Haleys part). I took over as entertainment committee and we all had a blast doing the limbo, conga line and (much to Ebonys disgust) I taught them a few golden oldy specialty dances such as the monkey and the sprinkler...fun was had by all...although Ebony told me I was sooooo embarrassing and she wouldn't come to a kids party with me again...she is just jealous I can do the sprinkler dance better than her!
In other news Haley is expecting her third baby early October...we already know it's a girl and I for one am so happy...gotta love little girls.
I have broadened my work experience and now work a few days a week at the Surfers Paradise Golf Club as a waitress, barista and dishpig.....and I know what you are all thinking...and you are soooo right...I should NOT be a waitress lol....hard to turn corners and keep that darn food on the plate...it's just lucky my sister is the bistro manager and chef...when she sees me head back to the kitchen she just remakes the order no questions asked. Have to say I use the term barista very loosley as well, there is no way I could rock up to a coffee shop and apply for a job...this whole coffee thing is a bit of crock really...flat white, latte, Cappacino...all the same except the order of the way you pour it into the cup is a bit different...my theory anyway.
Other news...I have been sleepwalking on a regular basis...something I haven't done in years...Ebony got up at 4 o'clock one morning to find me with a feather duster in hand doing a bit of cleaning....have also been found washing the wardrobe doors in the middle of the night, quizzed by Martin as to what exactly i was wandering around the house looking for...to be told..a cigarette lighter to light the chip fryer??? (that's a bit freaky) and just the other night I woke up freeezing cold and found myself lying in the bath - no water thank God. Odd behaviour, I know it's brought on by stress but I haven't bothered going to the doctor because he would send me for tests...and I would put the referal in the glove box with the faeces jar, urine jar, colonoscopy request form, zyban prescription and blood test forms...no point really.
Thats all for now, I am sure I will think of some more news which I will add later when it comes to me!

Eight months since I updated???Who could ever be that busy!! I won't bother catching you up, it is all rather boring and depressing...a new year , a new start!

I will bring only news from this year and since its only the first month it won't take long...

1. Thank heavens the weather has been fine for these school holidays, the pool is finally getting used...Haley brings the kids over a few days a week for a swim...Ella likes to wear her "gobbles" and do "bong dives". I head butted Emily in the pool a few weeks ago and knocked out her loose tooth...she was worried the tooth fairy wouldn't come through without the tooth as proof, so poor me spent an hour wearing MY "gobbles" looking for it in a pool..you have no idea how hard it is to find a tiny tooth when every pebble in your pool looks like one...but I found it!
   

I have a few jobs now which is bringing in some much needed extra dollars ...some of the jobs I like and some I really hate but that's life...The job I hate is cleaning...I do two houses a week for rellos and although I am not in a position to be picky I always thought I was above cleaning other peoples toilets...apparently not! So far I have broken a soap dish and came close to busting some fancy fangled new wave oven which luckliyI caught before I knocked it off the kitchen bench...My brother and his wife and shopping network junkies so there are always lots of gadgets at their place which they invite me to use...the latest is a machine youy stand on and it vibrates...the more you push the button the more violently it vibrates...and the longer you stay on it the more likely you are to spend the rest of the day walking around like you have hit the turps....

Another job I do for my brother and sister in law is work one day a week in their office..I suck at office work but the good thing is they suck at it too...I clean the office first and then do filing...they are the only people I know who have a whole file for traffic fines...which is full...if I am not sure where something should be filed they tell me to put it in miscellaneous....I need a whole filing cabinet for misc!! My sister in law usually rocks in around nine, paints her nails, puts ring tones onto her phone and eats donuts.....around 11 o clock she announces we have done enough and its time to go...I get paid 100 dollars for this back breaking yakka.

My next job is working at a golf club...My sister runs the bistro so she gets me in two days a week to be a waitress/kitchen hand/dishpig. Anyone who knows me well would be thinking how scary I would be as a waitress...and rightly so...my first day I lost two plates of sandwiches on the floor when I didn't negotiate a corner...also squirted coffee topping all over myself when making an iced coffee and last count I have dropped four cappacinos....I do however make lovely carrot curls on the carrot curling machine and I am very quick at unloading the dishwasher...which is probably what is saving my arse...all these jobs are a thousand times better than the job I did in November and lasted a whole two days.....the job description was

"how would you like to work with a team of friendly women in our exclusive and exciting salad packing business?" Hell yeah, I can just see me sitting on a little stool as little plastic tubs roll slowly by on a conveyor belt....me plopping a little bit of coleslaw in each tub, kidding around with the lady sitting next to me...so I applied and got the job....I don't know where the hell I got my idea of salad packing from but it was nothing like reality!!!!!!!! Six am start. Kitted out with a white lab coat, long white heavy vinyl apron, big gum boots, gloves, hair net, sleeve protectors, no jewellery, no makeup, three layers of clothing underneath...I was walked into a freezing cold room...and I mean polar ice cap....freeze the balls off a tennis court...I was introduced to Soon Yi and Mo Pong (not their real names but close enough!)who couldn't speak a word of bloody english who used gestures to indicate what I was supposed to be doing...which was grabbing between 24 and 28 grams of english spinach leaves out of a crate, weighing it and plopping into a punnet....you have no idea how hard it is to guess between 24 and 28 grams...and the whole time the supervisor is clapping her hands saying "come on ladies, chop chop"....I did this for nearly two hours when I was rescued (so I thought) to be put on crate packing...a long conveyor belt winds through the whole factory with thirty ladies packing an assortment of lettuce leaves into punnets and onto the belt....through a machine which packs in in plastic and it continues on its merry way and drops into a large tray...this is where I come in....my job is to pick up two packs at a time, pack them into a crate, 16 per crate, the writing all facing the one way, checking that the use by date is correct and that they are sealed properly.... ( the whole time my eyes are burning from bleach fumes ).... picking up the full crate running over to a pallet, stacking the crates 5 high in one direction, four high in the other direction on top of that, 150 crates in all, putting a description ticket on each crate, wheeling the full pallet into the next room, bringing back an empty pallet to start again....by which time the tray is over flowing with packets of lettuce which are spilling into the floor....OMG, HOLY FRIGGIN CRAP!! This was me for the next ten hours....and at the end of the day the boss says you did really well Bev, we normally have two people doing that job but one of the ladies is off sick....ONYA! The next day was a little easier but at the end of the day when we were hosing down the facory and scrubbing the floors I was overcome by the fumes...by the time I got home I had the worst head ache ever, my eyes were running non stop and I could barely breathe....I went to the docs the next day and he told me I had an allergic reaction to the cleaning products and I should consider leaving the job...HALLELLbloodyLUJAH!!!!!!!!! So the next time you are in the supermarket and you see punnets of lettuce leaves or spinach think of the poor bitches who work in that factory doing 12 hours shifts freezing their tits off....a footnote to this is I havnt been paid for the 2 x 12 days I worked because they are claiming your first two days are work experience....pigs arse, I will give them chop chop!! Stay tuned for that one!

Well that was rather ho hum...I will see what the next few weeks bring, maybe something more excting will happen!

Jodie and Duane arrived home from their Canadian adventure last week armed to the eyeballs with heaps of lovely (and as you can see some not so lovely) photos to scrap. On their way home they stopped over in California so they went to Hollywood and Disneyland...lucky buggars. The Top photos are of Lake Louise...it looks so pretty...Jodie had three wishes when she went to Canada...she wanted to learn to snowboard, make a snowman and see a squirrell....well she sort of learnt to snowboard...did manage to make a snowman...hers is nicer than Daunes...his hasn't got a face (in case any kids are looking lol)....and she finally got to see a squirrel up close and personal when her roomy got up in the middle of the night to pee....heard a strange noise in the toilet...jumped up ...and there he was lol...apparently removing the said squirrel was a shit of a job...pardon the pun..Thay are both now looking for jobs to save up and go overseas again..they have been bit by the bug!

I can hardly believe that Emily is five already...those years have gone by in a blur!!! This afternoon we had a little afternoon tea at our place to celebrate her birthday. She was impressed with all her presents...I went mad as usual...bratz doll, polly pocket, fuzzy felts, Barbie pixi under the sea play centre, Amigo computer game ( so cute...a little pet dog you have to train), clothes clothes and more clothes, princess dress ups and LOTS of hair accessories (she loves them). I couldn't give one without the other so there was a bag of goodies for Ella as well but I needn"t have bothered...she was more interested in the blow out whistles. Emily took her birthday girl role very seriously and announced that she would be eating her fifth freddo frog in a row as she was the birthday girl and she could do whatever she wanted....unfortunately for her, Dad happens to be back from the mines and told her in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't be touching any more frogs ...this really upset the apple cart and in true female form she had to go off for a while and have a big sulk.
When I took Ems photo holding up how many fingers for her age, Ella got in on the act and held up one finger and announced "two"...Such a dag that kid...she also preferred to wear her princess crown as sunnies.
We had a simple little party tea and Emily announced she was just going to eat icecream cake because she was the birthday girl and she could eat whatever she wanted....Dad once again had to pull her into line which resulted in another girly sulk. Didn't bother Ella...she tucked into her fairy bread with tomato sauce no worries. Thankfully Ebony was home to set up her new computer game which kept Emily amused for the rest of the afternoon while Ella ran amok...I gave her a torch to play with and next thing I know she is pulling down the back of my jeans and shining the torch down my pants and asking if I "do poo?" She also painted a chocolate mural on the front of the fridge, upended her icecream cake on the table and gave Pop one mighty big whack over the head with her new fairy wand...That was the cue that it was time to go home to bed. Emily announced she didn't have to go to bed because she was the birthday girl and she could do whatever she wanted ....you can guess the rest! Ah the joys of grandkids....quick pat on the head and they were on their way....I bet Haley and Joe were in for a little hyperactivity when they got home...not my fault they were sneaking freddo frogs all afternoon!!!

Happy Mother's Day everyone, I hope you were all thoroughly spoilt today!!!Before I forgoet the photo is of me, my eldest Sister Jenny, Mum and Josh who is one of Mum's 20 great grandchildren. My day started with a sleep in until 8.30...pure bliss. Next were the pressies...flanny jammies from Haley, almost my national costume in the cooler weather both day and night. Martin and Ebony spent most of Saturday afternoon shopping for my gift and I have to say I never would have guessed in a million years. The first one I opened was a wooden jewellery box...Martin must have noticed the bewildered look on my face since the only jewellery I own is a watch and pair of earrings which I never take off. The next parcel was a lovely gold chain and pendant...hence the jewellery box?? Knowing how much I love completely practical things like doona covers and vacuum cleaners, Ebony explained that they never know what to but me so from now on they will be adding to the collection...lovely sentiment....but I still really love doona covers and vacuum cleaners.
We decided...or rather Martin and Ebony decided we should go somewhere special for lunch....this was at 11am not giving us much chance of finding anywhere on the Gold Coast that wouldn't already be booked out...after letting my fingers do the walking we got a reservation at The Town and Country...a local restauarant...my sil and bil came along too. Turns out theplace is brilliant and I have no idea why we have never been there before since its only a five minute drive from where we live. It was an all you can eat buffet consisting of cold seafood and hot roast and vegetables so it suited Ebony , who loves roast, my sister in law who is vegetarian and Martin who is just a guts...as I looked around at all the families gathered for a special lunch with family, I noticed they were deep in conversation, laughing and generally relaxing and having a good time...our party of five however were watching the clock waiting for the magical hour of 12 so they could rush up when the buffet started. As soon as the big hand and little hand were both on the 12, Martin and Mick did the fifty yard dash and started loading their plates with king prawns...far too many for the rather small plates. Ebony was doing her usual whinge because there was hardly anything she liked and everything looked like it had onion in it...sheesh...I told her to load her plate with the lovely looking chicken breasts ......she did and was really pissed off to find it was actually salmon...my bad! As with most all you can eat buffets, we all ate way too much, incuding one of everything in the desserts...gotta love mud cake and baked cheescake...I know for a fact that Martin and Mick both got their fifty bucks worth and although Ebony didnt eat much to start with she made up for it with dessert. All in all a great day out...of course when we got home Martin and I had a few hours nanny nap!
During the week we took Mum back home after staying with us for a fortnight. I think she had a good time, but like all people her age she loves her own place. I had warned Ebony and Martin to behave while she was here and apart from a few Eb tantys they were pretty well behaved. Mum has trouble getting around now, she has arthritus in her spine and knees, so we were pretty much house bound. I did manage to convince her to go and have a look at one of our local junk shops and she was so pleased she did....got a cheapo version of one of those spinning dusters they flog to death on those tv ads...except these ones were only 14.95 instead of the million dollars they want for the real deal. I bet she has dusted her house from top to bottom by now! While she was here she got new teeth...it turns out my neighbours father in law is a retired dental technician, so he came to the house....what service!! Took impressions on Wednesday and she had her teeth by Friday...both top and bottom and at a fraction of the cost you would normally pay...Mum hasnt had bottom teeth for 17 years so when she put her new ones in she was talking with the familiar whistle...not that I am hanging shit because I have been having a few problems myself with my bottom teeth as well. On a recent scrapbooking getaway I was eating some roast beef when I detected what I thought was a bone...I didnt panic until I realised the bone was in fact my bottom plate which had somehow managed not only to dislodge but turn completely sideways in my mouth...I discretely tried to rectify the problem, but with a mouthful of meat and pumpkin it was never going to be easy...add to that a cough that just came from nowhere and I had food AND teeth escaping my mouth which was no doubt grossing everybody out....hard to choke on your teeth without doing it loudly!!...sorry everone...you will be pleased to know I have packed the bottom teeth away for now.
I am still trying to fight off a wog I picked up along the way...snotty nose, wino cough, sinus, sneezing..the whole kit and kaboodle...went to the docs twice...on my second visit he got out the dreaded blood pressure monitor.....and before I know it I have this big long list of things to have tested at pathology including cholesterol (again) ...then he handed me a suss looking brown jar....which I have to use to provide a stool sample...yay, how I love shitting in jars!! And all this because I have a cough????????????????????PLEASE!
I had a visit from my nephew and his wife this week along with their seven year old son Josh ( he is in the photos) They had to see a child psychologist hre on the Gold Coast....Josh has mild aspergers along with a few other problems and they are currently trying to sort out his medication. Hats off to anyone who has a child with this condition, he is a real handful!! While eating the dinner I cooked he told me my cooking was shit and HIS nan cooks much better than me....also referred to my husband as fatboy rofl. We went down to get takeaway the next night and we ordered extra as Ebony had friends over,,,when they were putting food on their plates Josh asked them if they were going to pay as they shouldn't get to eat for free....Ebony was mortified.. Although he struggles with school, he certainly is good with his hands...his mum got up to go to work one morning only to find her car jacked up with all the wheels missing (cant get over that, he is only 7, I dont think I could do it!)...he also pulled his sisters laptop into a million pieces and unscrewed an aluminium strip from the whole perimetre of his pops caravan...needless to say it was lovely and quiet when they left.
Emily and Ella are as cute as ever, I see them four or five times a week...last time Joe was home Emily told him he should not have another beer...when asked why she said she is learning about the food pyramid and beer is as bad as fats and oils...the things they learn!
Martin turned 56 yesterday...along with UnderbellyUncut and a chair massager as well as his usual chocolates and licorice, he received five new shirts...all extra large as it seems I have done something to all his old shirts and they don't fit anymore.....HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wish I could use that excuse!
Well it seems that even though I havent updated for 4 months I have nothing much else to tell...maybe I will have some more news for you when Jodie gets back from Canada next week...stay tuned!

wwwoooooohooo, yeehaa, uh huh uh huh uh huh.....I am mildy excited about the kids being back to school, are you?? This year Ebony and her cousin Cody are in year ten, I truly never thought I would see the day!! Shopping for school goodies was relatively painless this year...well apart from the shoes, that one is always torture. Ebony has a knack for wanting shoes that haven't even been invented yet which usually means trekking to every shoe shop, sporting shop and surf shop within a twenty mile radius. After thirty odd shops I was prepared to pay a million dollars but as it turns out they were only 100 dollars...and just in case you want to know what's hot this year it is DC's ...Of course that means nothing to me, they are white sneakers with blue letters and I probably could have found something very similar in KMart...then again I am not 14 and I have very GAY taste.

My tiny little Emily started Prep this year...where the hell did that time go??? I jumped ahead of mum and got her a very cute canvas Bratz bag, cool white Bratz sneakers (not DC's and only 25 bucks lol), you beaut shiny black school shoes and a pretty pink lunch box and drink bottle. Her size 4 uniform swims on her and I had to adjust the skorts to make them stay up but she looks cute in it all the same...the photo is from after school so her hair is looking a little bit naff but she still looks pretty excited.

Having wet school holidays sucked big time. Every day I had a housefull of bored loud hungry kids (um why do they always come here???). I struggled to keep up with chips and drinks and got very used to having the tv blaring with MTV. I would like to take this opportunity to warn parents to ban the following programs...My Sweet 16...a show about rich little yanky kids whose parents spend thousands and thousands of dollars on their kids 16th birthdays, usually hiring a prominent rapper for entertainment at the venue and then presenting their spoilt brat with a mercedes sports car...dream on I say, a pool party is about as good as it will get around here and maybe a Datsun 120Y. The other show (which was the boys favourite) was Jackass....a whole heap of dickheads pulling ridiculous dangerous stunts...I really hated that one because as soon as it finished I would be out the front yelling "Cody get off the roof with your skateboard" or "Chris, if you wrap your face with Gladwrap you WILL die" Sheesh bring back the Simpsons, at least it was harmless.

Martin has almost finished his two weeks holiday...(of which he has so far worked 9 days) We were going to go and stay at the Sunshine Coast for 2 weeks but somehow that fizzled....We managed a day at Burleigh Beach....Martin and I both hate the beach but Ebony and Chris really really wanted to go..before we left they wanted to buy a boogie board but Dad wasnt going to be conned into a major shopping centre so we stopped off at our local Woolworths and gave them 10 minutes to find a boogie board each...they came back to the car with very long faces...they bought the last two... Ebony got a pink one with a Maui Girl logo ( which is SO not Quicksilver) and Chris seriously lucked out with a Wiggles one (try walking down the beach with one of those trying to look cool!) They both seemed to have a good time although they probably would have preferred it if I didnt spend the whole day on the edge of the water telling them to move back between the flags, don't go out so far, come and put a tshirt on so you don't get belly rash, sunscreen time!! We had lunch at a cafe on the boardwalk and Ebony was horrified when I ordered a burger....I pulled my knife out of my bag (I carry it everywhere) and cut it into tiny bite sized pieces (yep the new teeth are still giving me grief...anything not sloppy is challenging!!) I think thats why she moved to another table lol.

Another outing which was surprisingly successful was to Tropical Fruit World. I thought after the thrills and spills of the theme parks, Eb and Cody would find it boring, but they had a fantastic time and learned heaps of interesting facts...did you know pineapples and bananas are not fruits but herbs?....neither did I! We took a tractor ride through the plantation and at one stage stopped near macadamia bushes so eveyone could get out and gather some....I saw Cody heading back towards the tractor with a big handful so I pulled out my camera and yelled out "Cody , stand over there and show me your nuts" Everyone burst out laughing and I didnt know why until Eb pointed out my embarrassing blunder..

Our last outing of the school holidays was to Aussieworld at the Sunshine Coast. The kids racked off and deserted Martin and I as soon as we got there so we headed off for a game of mini golf...it was so darned hot I fainted on the 16th hole....Martin was flapping around like a chook not knowing what to do ...he eventually ran and got me a drink which was a relief...but we still had to finish the last two bloody holes...I hate that game they need bigger holes I reckon!

Ebony begged me to go on the Wild Mouse ride , which really didnt look too bad...I have been on all the rides at the other theme parks including the Lethal Weapon, Giant Drop and wipeout so I figured it would be a piece of cake...I figured wrong, it was the scariest bloody thing I have ever been on and I very nearly lost my teeth...again again Eb begged .... NO WAY!!!! She settled for a ride on the octopus....note to self....if you suffer vertigo, do not ride on things that spin.....I hopped off the ride and 3 days later I am still spinning!

I had to go for an eye test the other day....she knew I had high blood pressure and cholesterol just by looking at the blood vessels in my eyes...that freaked me out a bit, I am making a very concious effort to eat properly now...when I went to pick up my new glasses I told the receptionist there had been a mistake...I had paid extra money to have the lenses ground down thinner...she pointed out they had been ground down....to coke bottle thickness!! Holy crap I must be almost blind. When the optomitrist tried them on me she said in the near future I should consider blepharoplasty as I have hooded eyelids and my right one is obscuring my peripheral vision....I said yes...then came home and looked up blepharoplasty on the internet as I didnt have a clue what it was.....an eyelid lift, now why couldnt she have just said that! Dunno about that one, I will ponder for a while...I have seen this procedure on the health channel and it kinda looks like a circumcision of the eyelid...thats gotta hurt!

Since having my teeth done I have lost five kilos...I need to lose at least that much again...it really is an unpleasant experience getting dentures...a few weeks ago we took Martins mum to the pokies for a bit of an outing before she had to fly back to Melbourne...it got to 2.30 in the afternoon and I hadnt had a thing to eat all day...I went to a vending machine and bought a pack of Cadbury choc ball thingys... I sat down at my poker machine and put a couple in my mouth and bit down....to my absolute horror my top teeth somersaulted out of my mouth and landed in the coin tray....i retrieved them like a rocket but in my embarrassed haste I was trying to put them in upside down...they were coated in chocolate......and well the whole scene was very ugly....I use hold tite powder now to glue them in each day till I get a relign in 5 months time.

Well thats about all the shame and scandal I have for now, I was going to try and change my music but I forget how to do it lol...catch you all later!

There are only two words I fear at Xmas time and they are "assembly required" This year I bought Emily (amongst lots of other things) a lovely big wooden doll house. Normally it wouldn't bother me that it had to be made up as thats Joes job but since he won't be home for xmas and since Haley is clueless in that department, I felt obliged to do the right thing...
I was pleased to see the screws were all separated out in a plastic box with compartments...however none of them looked like the screws in the picture diagrams so there was a lot of "process of elimination" throughout the whole procedure...thankfully each wooden piece was numbered which helped but I am not the greatest at following instructions so what I thought would take an hour actually took 4 hours and several times I blew a poofer valve and had to go outside and have a smoke to calm down...Emily will love it, it even has a lift for heavens sake....a far cry from the dollhouse I had as a kid made from a toilet roll box.
Ebony was been diligent at changing the numbers on the advent tree every morning and I can't believe it is only 3 more sleeps till santa comes...I am so ready for this, I can't wait to see everyones face when they unwrap their gifts.....may I add that Ella has already started to unwrap several of them none of which were hers.
We have decided on our xmas menu..prawns, chicken and honey glazed baked ham..the ham was my idea even though none of us are really into ham....but I really want to to the whole diamond criss cross thing with the cloves..looks so cool...they couldnt decide on one dessert so we are having the usual pav and trifle and this year we are adding triple choc honeycomb log...I have had a practice run and its yum...not that I should even care as I wont be able to eat it anyway.
Jodie emailed me a few days ago and said she had received her care package...she loved everything but was most excited about the milo....they seem to be loving it in Canada, Duane earned 800 dollars in tips when he helped out as barman during the world cup.....Jodie had been promoted and is now supervisor of her department and gained a payrise to....wait for it......$10.20 per hour!! She also got employee of the month which earned her a restaurant meal, a $70 gift voucher and a 3 hour snow boarding lesson.
Martin intends to take three days off for Xmas..woopdeedoo, he isnt big on the whole relaxing holiday thing, he would much rather go to work...but I think he will take a week off at the end of JAnuary so we are trying to find a holiday destination that will suit all of us...Martin hates the beach or anything even remotely related to water or fishing or anything that separates him from his big screen tv....I hate anything that resembles camping or roughing it....Ebony hates anywhere without access to a power point to her hair straightener and needs to be in close proximity to major shopping centres...as expected we havent been able to think of anything that suits all of us...in fact I reckon we should just stay at home because it meets all of the above criteria.
Thats all for now as I need to get an early night as I want to be at the shops at opening time tomorrow to do my xmas food shopping...my list is a foot long and I know th ecrowds will be out in force. Merry Christmas everyone, enjoy the day with your family and I hope Santa comes to each and everyone of you , even if you have been naughty...see you next year!

The dental work is all over folks, on Thursday I had my remaing top teeth removed and an upper and partial lower denture fitted...I was in agony for three or four hours but after that (touch wood) I was shocked to find myself pain free and now a few days later still pain free...I have to say the first time I removed the top denture to rinse my mouth I honestly almost fainted...it looks like I have been shot in the mouth..no joke, I still cant believe something that looks that bad isn't causing pain.The upside is (now the swelling has gone down) the teeth are quite realistic and dont look very fake....the downside is I talk with a terrible speech impediment and it is impossible to eat...it either hurts or I simply cant chew with them yet....since wednesday night I have had two bowls of runny porridge and a small tin of creamed rice...and eating that was an ordeal...Martin keeps asking me questions that require an answer with an S word which I simply cannot manage....you cant say s words with new dentures...So I wont have toothache for xmas...but I also wont be eating xmas dinner either!

This is as good as it gets as far as a xmas photo shoot with Miss Ella...she wouldn't co operate at all- no hat, no smiles -no way! WE even tried to get her to cooperate by letting her hold the guinea pig but she choked it and made the poor thing throw up..end of story...However I did manage a couple of cute ones of Emily.
So excited that it is only 21 sleeps til Santa comes!! The tree went up at the end of November, I give in every year. The presents (way too many) are prettily wrapped and under the tree and now we just have to await the arrival of the big guy in red. Emily is here for a sleepover tonight...she was looking at the animated Santa we have who holds a list in his hand and she asked Pop to read the names on his list...Pop rattled off the names of everyone including Ella (they were not the real names on the list) and Emily asked...Pop, isn't my name on there? Pop replied, "no it doesn't look like it" Emily placed her hands on her hips most indignantly and said, "How COULD he leave me off that list, I wasted my time being good!" We just about wet ourselves laughing.
I sent a care package to Jodie and Duane in Canada...hope they like their bloody milo - it cost me $79.50 in postage lol! I included some anzac biscuits, twisties, vegemite, milo along with chocolates, xmas decorations and green and gold aussie xmas hats and stockings...well not for Duane -he hates xmas so I sent him a black santa hat that says Bah humbug on the front. Did I mention that when Duane arrived they had changed his job...he is the portaloo guy...rofl, I will call him Kenny from now on..they seem to be enjoying themselves despite the fact that if they go jogging in the park they have to carry bear spray???Let me tell you, if you are close enough to a bear to spray it you would much rather be carrying a shot gun I reckon!
It seems I have started sleep walking again which is a worry...a few weeks ago I woke up standing next to the clothes line in the back yard and a few nights after that Martin heard the front door open, so he got up to investigate and I was off down the driveway (thank God I don't sleep in the raw!) I am shit scared of the dark, so as you can imagine it freaks me out. I was a nightly sleepwalker when I was kid, so bad mum used to have to give me sleeping tablets. When I was 11 I went into hospital to have my tonsils out...I terrified all the other kids in the ward so badly they had to restrain me in my bed. I only do it occasionally now thank heavens.
I would like to congratulate Sue Jones on becoming a Nanna for the first time to a beautiful grand daughter. You will love the job Sue! I have compiled a few tips
1. Only buy outfits if they are in colours that are easy to match up to patterned papers and embellishhments
2. If the baby is screaming and can't be settled, offer to help...when you become a Nanna you are given some sort of magical power that puts babies to sleep even though nothing ever worked with your own kids
3. Respect the fact that the parents would prefer the child not to have lollies....which means you have to hide the M&M's when they are around, then hope to God the kid doesn't point to the pantry and ask for a lol lol
4. Resist the urge to impulse buy cute toys.......for at least a minute then whip out the cash
5. Remember when they are old enough to ask for a sleepover that once you say yes they will never ever ever walk in the door for a visit again without an overnight bag.
6.Cute overnight bags can be purchased at Target or Kmart
7. You can say no all you like, but once they drop that bottom lip you will say yes quick smart
8. Expect to be the guest of honour when they have seniors day at Kindy
9. Hundreds and thousands on honey toast is acceptable for breakfast
10. YOUR grand kid is way cuter than anyone elses, even when they are being naughty!
Talk to you all soon

oops no photo, haven't had the camera out for a while! Well they are off...Jodie and Duane I mean, they left for Canada over a week ago...Big old tough me thought I would be fine and dandy and glad to claim our garage back but when the time came to say goodbye I was a blubbering mess.....I have had several emails since their arrival....food seems to be a big issue with them, they hate the grub where they are staying....the bus into the big town only comes once a week so they headed off to the corner store hoping to find some food more to their liking...jodie thought some tinned soup would be nice....beef and veg or pumpkin but the only ones on offer were clam chouder or chicken fajita....plan B was baked beans but they contained maple syrup so they settled on a box of Special K...seems the familiar packaging was about as far as it went because Jodie reckons the cereal looked like squashed up rice bubbles....I think its already time for a care package!!! On their second day they were going to go for a jog in a park but there were warning signs not to venture off without bear spray so that kind of killed that idea lol!! Also lucked out on accomodation, they were hoping for a room with just the two of them together but its Jodie, Duane and six other lads all in the one dorm, certainly must be cosy!
Things have certainly been hectic here, we have had Martins Mum come up from Victoria to stay again along with his sister who is over from Scotland and also his Aunty Betty and Uncle Eric...I thought I had the scottish accent sussed but their lingo had me puzzled many a time over the last few weeks...tarties are not jam tarts as I suspected but potatoes.....if you dee you are dead and if something has slaver o'er it dont touch it!!! It means its covered in saliva!!!!!!!!!!!!! nor yull nor means no you won't and the Scots really do say och aye!! Martin talked his sister Edith into making him a suet dumpling while she was here.....one of his all time faves, but I guess its an aquired taste..
I wasn't far out with my prediction, little Miss Ella is now walking....dont they look cute when they first start, like little robots with arms out and stiff straight legs....Ella isnt a nannies girl like Emily (not yet any way) if I put my hands out to pick her up she shakes her head"no! I thought I had finished my xmas shopping for the two littlies but Kmart had smart cyles on special the other day so I just had to grab one....do you know the ones I mean...its like an exercise bike for kids that hooks up to the tv and it looks like you are riding down the road, the faster you pedal the more points you get...now theres an idea for adults...I am sure if I was on an exercise bike with a picture of KFC on the screen in front of me I would pedal my guts out!!
While I was away at SWIG a few weeks ago MArtin and Ebony went off to Amart and bought a new leather lounge suite which was delivered yesterday... I was hanging out for a new one but after sitting on this one I am not so sure....without the worn in bum groove you sit up really high and my feet dont touch the floor...Martin hates it but doesn't say much because he chose it... I am sure it won't be long before we wear it in...the old suite was moved into....wait for it...the pool room! Well not exactly the pool room but the newly vacated double garage...Martin isn't taking any chances on having more freeloaders...I mean family taking up residence in there...so he is filling it up with as much stuff as possible...since it is detached from the house we thought it would make a great games room...Martin has wanted a pool table for ever so he bought a second hand one out of the Trading Post ...we decided that since it would be mostly Eb and her friends using it we didnt want to spend a lot of money on a flash new one in case it got wrecked...he got a 8 x 4 slate one that he haggled the guy down to 500 dollars which is pretty reasonable since the felt is ok just a bit faded and it came with a heap of accessories....aaahhh but then we had to find a way to get it home and the only choice we had was one of the few removalists who do that sort of thing, so another three hundred dollars to bring it three suburbs over....so on Saturday it will be going straight to the pool room...
Among all the chaos over the last few weeks we threw in a bathroom reno, the ensuite this time....we still had tiles left over from the last bathroom so it was just a matter of a new vanity, shower screen and dunny...our old dunny has a cracked base...Martin is blaming me...smartarse!! The tiling is all done but the other stuff is yet to be installed, its on the to do list.....along with our half painted exterior walls, the garden shed which still doesnt have a floor, the roofless pergola, the pool solar heating which is flapping all over the roof and the vanity in the other bathroom which still hasnt been finished properly...Poor Martin just doesnt have enough hours in the day....and at the moment he is suffering a severe case of gout....He gets it often but it usually only lasts three or four days at a time....this time it has been more than a week and he is suffering badly....which in turn is making me suffer...the tablets he takes make him quite ill and give him the runs...for some reason he feels it neccessary to give me a blow by blow account every time he goes to the john...waaaay too much information....
My mouth is still giving me buggery, it was just starting to be bearable and then I got mouth ulcers, by the crikey those things hurt and the stuff I have to paint on them tastes like a cross between metho and savlon...yuck!!!! and in another few weeks the rest of the painfull process takes place...these bloody false teeth better be worth it...THats if I even go back to the dentist, I have become used to chewing on the few teeth I have left, I am not sure if I can go through it all again..Santa if you are listening, all I want for xmas are a few back teeth lol
I wish you were all here the other day to witness my dog surfing....it was a stinking hot afternoon so Martins Mum, sister and I decided to dangle our legs in the pool...For the last few years thats as far as I have gone into the water but it was just so damn inviting, the kid in me burst free...Emily has a blow up dalmation pool floatie that looked just perfect for surfing on....I positioned it near the edge, took a flying leap onto it and made it almost to the other end. What fun!! I did it so many times the poor dog got a puncture but it was well worth it...I also had a go at hand stands and water ballet....very difficult to do when wearing wet denim pants and tshirt...thank god we had no unexpected visitors...the down side is I ended up with a horrific earache that night which reminded me why I dont swim.....the last time I ended up with a severe ear infection I had to go to the doctors every day for a fortnight to have a fresh antiseptic wick packed in my ear...I went to bingo one night and couldnt hear so I started to removed the packing and it looked like a magicians magic hanky trick, it just kept coming and coming and coming.....
News in brief
1. Now that Jodie has gone I have to work out how to do the tricky bookwork stuff she used to do for me...I should have listened more closely when she tried to explain things
2. It is difficult to cook for gout suffers when they cant have red meat, oily fish, shellfish, tomatoes, oranges, cabbage, peas and a million other things
3. There is NO foolproof way to empty the styrofoam balls from bean bags that require washing
4. When the tiler says the grout and sealer is still wet you shouldnt be tempted to touch it to see if that really is the case
5. DVD cases left on the floor make excellent skates if you accidently happen to stand on one...please dont try this at home because if the dvd happens to be inside the case it will cost you thirty bucks at the video shop when you return it broken in half
Thats all folks, catch you later!

Jodie had a practice run through packing her back pack for Canada (they leave in less than 2 weeks). I commented that she had done a good job till she pointed out she hadnt packed any toiletries, jumpers or shoes.....I think she may need to practice some more! Jodie weighs 42 kilos, the back pack at this stage weighs about the same...I hope they dont have to walk too far.
Day 6 after having my teeth out and I have to say it has been horrendous, I thought things would be much better by now..The pain is unbearable, I have never cried so much, what a sook. I went back a few days ago and had the holes dressed...that meant more needles...bastard!!! The only light at the end of the tunnel for me was the thought of losing weight, but guess what..I have gained over a kilo!!!!!!! I have no idea how that has happened I am living on fresh air and slop through a straw, this totally sucks...I am also constipated from all the pain killers (gives a whole new meaning to full of shit lol) Yesterday I ate....or rather sucked half a packet of licorice and downed a bottle of prune juice...hopefully today I will catch up with my back log...needless to say I wont be leaving the house today.
After months of nagging I think I have found a way to convince Martin we need a new lounge suite. The one we have is 11 years old and although the couch is still ok, Martins recliner chair is a disgrace. The leather is worn off the arms, it has two big holes and it has the most annoying squeak. The other night while he was watching tv he started slapping himself all over....he was covered in ants...and no wonder, he is forever tucking chocolate wrappers down the side of his chair and the king ant has finally discovered the mother lode. Martin absolutely loathes ants!!!!!After spraying almost a whole can of fly spray he got rid of the ants but it got me thinking I could plant some half sucked lollypops down the side of the chair....he would never cope and I just know he would suggest we get a new one....I am not devious by nature but desperate times call for desperate measures!!!
I have noticed the shops have all their xmas decorations out already, I got Emily and Ella some cute xmas shirts and hats yesterday. I have all the grandies laybys paid for (except for 1 dollar so I dont have to pick them up yet) I have also put a few things away for Ebony but I will leave most of her stuff untul just before xmas...she changes her mind too much. I would really love to get her a camcorder as I know she would have a ball with it...the only downside is I just know she will go out of her way to catch me doing something stupid, I have already featured on her myspace doing hula hoops much to her friends amusement.
Last night I thought I would have a hot oil bath in the hope it would help me to sleep. I ran a nice deep bath with a generous squirt of Avon skin so soft bath oil...love the smell of that stuff. Had a long soak and even shaved my legs which were getting to the mohair stage. I had forgotten how lovely it was to relax like that...the end of the bath reminded me why I dont do it very often. After a five minute struggle to pull out the plug I stood up forgetting how slippery a bath can be when it is full of oil....did a very graceful slip and slide act which ended with me flat on my bum...that hurts....and then I had to clean the bath because my leg hairs had left a lovely black hairy ring around ....so I ended up smelling like spray and wipe instead of bath oil....unfortunately it didnt induce sleep so I stayed up all night watching Judge Judy, Forensic Files and Columbo.
My sister -in -law has decided to have a lower face lift..Martin, who is totally tactless told her its a waste of money...that people who are 58 are meant to have wrinkles...she couldnt give a hoot what her brother thinks and is going ahead with it....the other day she took the first step and had botox injected around her eyes and in her forehead...why anyone would willingly allow someone to poke needles in their facce is beyond me, however she is thrilled with the result...I on the other hand find it confusing....I cant tell if she is angry or happy, her facial expression looks the same for both emotions....which leads me to think you shouldnt consider having this procedure if you have teenage kids....its the facial expressions that let them know you are as mad as hell....difficult to do if your face is a blank canvas
Well thats about it for now, I will catch up again soon

Thursday was a very busy day around here!! Miss Ella turned one, which astounds me as that time has flown by so fast. My prediction that she would be walking before her birthday turned out to be a fizzer, but she is very close. Haley and Joe bought the girls around in the morning to have birthday cake which as usual was very gooey so I could get good photos lol. Ella loved her presents...a fisher price push along thingo that converts to a little bike and 12 new outfits and other assorted small toys....Emily also scored as I just cant bring myself to buy one without the other so she got some new clothes and a "pretend" stainless steel kettle and toaster...I might add that in the weeks leading up to Ellas birthday both girls got gifts every time they visited because I would buy stuff but couldnt wait till the big day...so new swimmers, shoes and books...just as well I only have two grandies, I would soon go broke.

That was the fun part of Thursday, in the afternoon I was off to the dentist for major dental work...I cant remember if I have mentioned I am getting dentures, so this was the start of the whole process.....This is going to sound very "poor me" but after the pain I have endured I am entitled to have a bitch and you will all pay attention, I demand you listen to what they did to poor little old me!!!

I had to have all my back teeth out (which leaves me with six top front and six front bottom till the next stage of the process).

Seven extractions in total, had the gas full bore and 10 injections in various parts of my mouth...In my usual dramatic form I thought I was going to choke on my tongue so I went through the whole gagging and arm flapping bizzo until the dentist convinced me there was nothing to choke on and then we were under way. The first two teeth came out easily...piece of cake...then the next two took forever and I sensed problems when has asked two assistants to hold my head so he could get a better grip. Despite everything being totally numb I thought my jaw was going to crack in half, it was horrid!! My worst ever dentist visit!!

I now reside on the couch with the panadeine forte in easy reach...I cant eat anything though I did attempt some KFC potato and gravy tonight as I was starving..that was sheer hell as I have big splits on both sides of my mouth, I look like a friggin ventriloquist dummy... all I can really manage is luke warm coffee which I drink through a straw. One panadeine forte normally puts me in a coma but this time they are doing little and I have been awake since 5 am thursday morning and it is now 11 pm friday night. I feel like I have been kicked in the face and my mouth tastes like a sewer..there I feel so much better that you all listened, I think everyone is sick of hearing it around here!!

Just for a little more drama, I received a big envelope from Telstra yesterday...my bill...which was too bulky for a normal envelope.....normally my monthly home phone bill is around 165 a month...this one was $657.27...and the reason??? Ebony ringing skater boy on his mobile...sometimes up to 20 times a night...I left this one up to Dad to sort out, I was too out of it for sensible arguing...He marched up to her room and knocked very loudly on the door...

"Ebony , you are not to ring Chris on his mobile, we just got a very expensive bill"

"OK Dad"

...and that was it, nothing else , nada, no further comment, no punishment, no please explain"

I reached for another panadeine forte and waited for the pretty patterns to happen in my head.

News in Brief

*Our water tank was installed on Tuesday...it is already half full...yay!

*Martin bought a hard lid for his ute (his midlife crisis black XR8 with personalised plates) for those who dont know what a hard lid is...or if you are like me and couldnt really give a fiddlers fart....it is a solid lid instead of a vinyl tonneau cover....the purchase price of $1800 did not include the tiny packet of things that look like brads to plug up the holes where the clips for the tonneau cover used to be...an extra sixty dollars for those! Note to self...the next time he dares sling off at me about what I "waste" on scrapping, point out my tiny packet of brads only cost $2...and my scrapping tote doesnt have a hard lid!

* Our lawn is now approximately 85 % bindii....a fact I tend to forget everytime I go to hang washing on the line in bare feet

*The 500 dollar "cashy" job Martin scored for tomorrow that he thought would be used for some chrome pipes for his ute will be going towards the phone bill.....

I am going to retire to the couch now to watch reruns of Kojak and Antiques Roadshow and dream of a time when I can chew someting solid and talk without an impediment

Thanks for listening to me moan!

I must be really bored, two posts on the same night!!! I just found this picture on my camera. A few weeks ago a mother duck wandered into our yard with her five little ducklings. Emily was the first to spot them and she was so excited...actually I was too, such a novelty. They must have come from a duck pond which is four or five streets away from us. Before we knew it they had set up home in our pool area and spent happy times swimmig around in the pool...I warned everyone not to feed them and figured when it got dark, Mrs quack would take her brood back to their real home.
Woke up the next morning to find the ducks were still there...there was poo everywhere and Jodies cat was stalking them. We locked up the cat but news spreads fast and before too long every other cat in the neighbourhood was hanging out at our joint in the hopes of some finger lickin food. At one stage the mother duck ventured under the back fence taking the off spring with her. Jodie was frantic as the back neighbours have dogs. When the mother returned minus the ducklings I jokingly said to Jodie we need to say quack quack quack so all the five little ducks would come back (you all have kids, you know that little song). Jodie took me literally and stood at the back fence quacking which I thought was funny until the ducklings started appearing under the fence...Unfortunately Jodies worst fears were realised and only four of the ducklings made it back. We went to bed hoping the ducks would all be gone in the morning.WRONG!!! Still there the next day and by this time the pool looked like duck poo soup and the paths and paving areas were a mine field of hard green lumps of poo...I had no idea they could poo that much. By this time I felt we had to go into to damage control as I couldnt spend the rest of my days warding off cats and dogs. I rang the vet who told me to ring the wildlife sanctuary. They told me if we left them they would leave on their own accord and was warned not to touch the ducklings or the mother would disown them...so we left them....and they were still there the next day with double the amount of poo.I rang some more animal welfare places and got no where...even after I told them about one already being killed they just said that was nature....by this stage I wasnt really that worried about the ducks I was more concerned about the amount of faeces that was building up around the entire perimetre of the house...and that mother was mighty feisty, I couldnt even go to my own letter box without her giving me a good run for my money...a plan was devised...jodie would bring home a big box and we would catch the ducks and return them to the pond. I just wish I had some visual images of this attempt so you could get a better idea of the lunacy of this plan. We were after the mother first and then figured the little guys would be easy....five of us on the edge of the pool with pool scoops, boxes brooms and anything else that looked useful...Duane ended up in the drink and hopped out quick smart dry reaching because he has never been immersed in duck shit before.....jodie got chased by the mother and got cornered on the deck and had to be rescued by me...it was hopeless....so after much deliberation it was decided we would have to escort them back to the duck pond. Jodie and Ebony took a broom each and shooed the mother down the driveway...it worked and the ducklings followed in hot pursuit... I went only as far as the bottom of the street because I figured there was no point in all three of us looking silly, but Jodie and Eb went all the way to the duck pond. At one stage Jodie had to go into the middle of the busy road to stop traffic while the ducks crossed....It took them a couple of hours but they succeeded and they never came back (the ducks that is)
The moral of this story is ducks are only cute on the first day...after that they are lean mean pooing machines!
(Oh and in case you are wondering the broom method doesnt work on humans, I tried it on my lot and they keep coming back!)

Hi all, it's been a long time between posts! I had intended to let my BLOG die a natural death...but then I got bored.
The baby of the family turned 14 on Wednesday. Eb didn't want a fancy party this year choosing instead to have some kids over for a swim during the day and a family tea at night....her choice? KFC, too easy. I must say I wasn't impressed with her choice of cake. We always get them from the cheescake shop and I usually select something with lots of cream, but Eb chose for herself this time and it was a plain old mud cake...tasted pretty good though! Skater boy came for tea as her special guest...he bought her a teddy holding a heart which says " I love you'...hope he remembers that next time she gives him a chinese burn lol.
Next week it's Jodies birthday and she will be turning 24...holy crap that time went fast. She and Duane leave for their working holiday to Canada at the end of October so she is rushing around doing all the last minute stuff. They will be working at a ski resort and only found out last week which jobs they have been allocated. Duane will be a house person in charge of salting the footpaths, porter and room service. Jodie will be working on the information desk and switch board. Both will be paid the princely sum of $8.00 an hour which is waaaaaaaayyyyy less than what they earn now....they are already trying to make friends with kitchen staff for left over food lol..After six months I bet they will be both glad to come home to warm weather and home made meatloaf!!! I will do my best to send care packages so they don't starve!
I have been out of action for over a week because of my menieres disease...for those of you who don't know what it is, it's nothing that serious but a royal pain in the neck. I get severe bouts of vertigo accompanied by vomiting from the continuous head spins along with ringing in my ears ranging from a soft swooshing noise to a big kick arse train coming...The worst part is trying to sleep because the dizziness is worse if I try to lie down and I havent mastered sleeping in an upright position. I feel like a caged animal as I havent driven the car for over a week...I am sick of tv, I can only scrap for a few minutes at a time and the house is empty during the day because everyone else around here has a life...sigh woe is me!! I am sure it will go over the next few days and I can have my life back till next time.
My Mother in law has just gone back to Victoria after a one month visit to Queensland...she usually stays with us but this time she stayed at my sister in laws as we decided amongst ourselves that witnessing one of Ebonys "outbursts" might be a bit scary for an octagenarian.....in her day that sort of thing would have been sorted out with a whip but its not the done thing in this day and age.....I thought Ebony might actually hold herself back when Nanna came to visit but she still managed to have several tantys in her company. Oh the joys...she rang me while she was out shopping today
"Mum can I get hot pink streaks in my hair"
'NO'
"Aw why, Angela is allowed to"
"bully for Angela"
"huh?"
"you cant have hot pink streaks"
"you're so gay!"
"thanks for calling Ebony, make sure you are on the 3.30 bus"
"can't I catch the 5 o'clock bus?
"no"
"aw why Angela is allowed to"
"see you at 4"
.......thinking i have already hung up
"mum sucks, she is so over protective"
which makes me wonder ....is Angela really allowed to have hot pink streaks and catch the 5 o 'clock bus or is Angela on the phone to her mother having the same conversation? They think we are stupid!
Dealing with teenage girls is almost like a form of Chinese Torture. You live in fear of their moods, their fashion sense and their demands.
Speaking of fashion sense, flouro is back....yikes! Ebony bought a tshirt the other day emblazoned with flouro pink orange and green....hide before leg warmers resurface!
News in Brief.
1. Ella can say Mum Dad and Uh oh and can stand unassisted for a few minutes...I predict she will be walking around the time of her first birthday in a few weeks
2.Emily doesn't like Taneisha at Kindy because she said she wont be her friend anymore (more serious than it sounds, Haley has had to deal with the tears all week lol)
3.Joe has been told it will be at least another two months before he can start work because of complications with his broken foot....I will discretely invite them to tea several times a week so I know they are eating properly
4. We are having our water tank installed on Wednesday...they came and prepared the cracker dust base last week...Jodies cat thinks its a huge kitty litter tray and takes a dump in there several times a day (a job for Duane)
5. There is a 'Little People Big World' marathon on the Health Channel next week. I hope to catch up on all th eepisodes I missed.
Thats all for now , talk to you all again soon.

Well I sure did stand my ground with Ebony lol....The very next day I caved and got her much wanted guinea pig! I thought that maybe this time she really would be responsible if we got her a pet and so far so good. The cute little fellar at the top is Felix...I bought him the day I got the cage and all the expensive accessories....he is meek and mild, soft to touch and incredibly cute.....the next day we went looking for a playmate but after visiting four pet shops Homer was the only guinea pig available...in contrast he is big and mean and highly strung but Ebony took pity on him so of course he came home with us. I will be the first to admit that I am not really a creature person but these guys are pretty entertaining and Ebony (so far) is doing everything she should to care for them without being asked, so thats good. Now she is nagging me for a guinea pig lead so she can take them for walks....and I will buy one purely because that will make one hell of a scrapbook page! lol

I did the shopping today but Martin was disappointed because I didnt buy any cakes or desserts...I really wasnt in the mood for cooking but decided I would make some scones....I found a recipe that was just 3 ingredients...3 cups sr flour, cup cream, cup of lemonade....can't believe how good they turned out, the best scones ever!!! So if you want to make some just add the wet stuff to the flour, mix and knead and bake at 220 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes. Chuck on some jam and cream and you have everyone telling you what a good cook you are!

I normally have my big house clean on a Monday but since Martin was working all day today I decided to do a Sunday clean instead. My first annoyance was changing the sheets.....Because I am such a tight wad, I recently replaced the elastic in all my fitted sheets...unfortunately I have made the elastic a bit tight so I need four arms to get them onto the mattress....just when I think I have succeeded one of the corners decides to "ping" off which is very frustrating. After three beds my mood was black! Next horrible job was the main bathroom....don't you love how they clean their teeth and spit the toothpaste out but just leave the globs sitting in the bottom of the basin ....mixed with long hairs and caps off razors. The soap is always on the floor of the shower in a sloppy soggy state and the shower caddy is jammed with everything but the kitchen sink! In between I was running a chinese laundrey washing clothes that I had only just folded and put away the day before.....it seems that once you even try something on it has to go in the dirty washing basket....or heaven forbid you would have to fold it up and put it back in the drawer yourself. My next chore was cleaning out my kitchen drawers and cupboards... I threw away so many gadgets I never use that were just taking up space.... I had just finished doing this when Martin walked in with 2 big boxes of kitchen crap that his brother was going to put in a garage sale...he thought I might like them......they are going back tomorrow.

We had another escaped chook in the yard today so I had to call on Duane again....he thought he would be a smart alec and chase it right in my direction...you would be surpised at how fast I can run and how loud I can scream...Ebony came out to see what all the commotion was about and just about peed herself laughing until the chook headed for her and she ran into a closed door....needless to say Duane is in the bad books and when I made scones I failed to tell him until after they were all gone.

...and on a sweet note, Ebonys boyfriend bought her a present today...it was a packet of clay....she had been wanting some for ages...they made clay love hearts.....how romantic....or it was until Chris called Ebony diddums (she hates that) so she gave him a chinese burn and he went home....childish you may think???? Last night Martin bought me home a block of chocolate....we shared some then he said I shouldnt eat any more because my bum is big enough....I told him to get stuffed and he went to bed...Doctor Phil would have a field day analysing that!

Note to self: do not read back through old BLOG entries!!! I feel like such a failure, all this talk of losing weight and giving up smoking...I haven't done either of the above so let's just move on shall we?

Let's see where were we...ah yes, Joe and the broken leg....indeed it was broken, he did fall from a low branch of a tree and fell on a funny angle...he was flown back home to have the operation on the Gold Coast and had to wait 10 days before the swelling had gone down enough so they could perform the surgery...he will be in plaster until at least September...Haley is so thrilled...NOT! having someone else to look after...because you know what men are like, they really play on these things.

Jodie and Duane have shelved their plans to buy a house (um that's why they were staying here rent free to save lol) and instead will be leaving at the end of November for a 6 month working holiday in Canada. It is arranged through an Australian agency, they we be working at a Ski Resort somewhere...they are not doing for the money since they will only earn between 6 and 12 dollars an hour...it's rather more for the adventure aspect....Jodie doesn't want to do office admin (which is what she does here) and has applied for housekeeping or waitressing...love to be a fly on a wall, she is as clumsy as I am and has a benign tremor in her right hand (like me also) so carrying cups of coffee will be hilarious! Duane has applied to be a bellhop....lol...wonder how long it will before the glamour wears off and they get sick of being broke and not have mummy to cook for them and do their washing! I think its a great idea and told them they should get travel out of their system before they have kids...to which they replied in unison "we won't be having kids!" I believe them too!

Ebony has been in fine form for weeks now, and her little psycho outbursts have become even more dramatic...gotta love thirteen year old girls with attitude! Her latest drama was she didn't want to do HPE as a subject (sport) this term and carried on so much and made my life so hellish I wrote a letter to the school blabbing on about how much trouble she had been having with an on going virus and how I didn't think sport was such a good idea at this time...so they changed her subject to video gaming...an all boys class where they play and review computer games.....if I thought my life was hell when she had to do sport....well it got a whole lot worse when she was put into this class lol....she sux at computer games and all the boys were giving her curry so I had to send another letter saying how much her health had improved and maybe sport would be good for her...those teachers must think I am a dead set loony...the things you do to bring about a bit of peace. The fact that I am "gay", old fashioned, don't trust her, a loser and the meanest mother in the world didn't even come into play when she ws begging me to write that second letter!.....and I know what you are all thinking....I shouldn't give in to her bratty behaviour...you are so right....however you don't have to live with her rofl!

Should probably mention the photo of the cakes??No reason, just had a cooking day...I actually like cooking but I hate the fact it takes all day and all gets eaten in one afternoon... my lot are not shy when it comes to food!

We have new neighbours over the back fence and they have chooks...no worries.. I am terrified by chooks but we are separated by a fence so I could deal with it...until the other morning when I walked into the lounge room and there standing right before me with its beady little eyes looking straight at me...was a bloody chook...I nearly passed out, but realised I had to do something so I tried to shoo it out the door.....chooks can poo while they run...very effectively in fact so I ended up with chook poo and feathers all over the place till the stupid thing finally went out the door...then I had to ring Duane to come and catch it and put it back over the fence and plug up the hole where it had found its way into our yard...great! Now I live in fear everytime I go outside to hang out the washing.

As I have been typing this I have beem listening to Ebony asking her father if she can have a guinea pig tomorrow. The fact we don't have a cage didn't seem to register as she says she will put it in a washing basket... I could hear him weakening so I interjected and told her she can't have a guinea pig tomorrow we have no cage, end of story. She told me she will never learn responsibilty if she can't even have a pet......I struck below the belt and reminded her that at the start of the year her cat had been missing 10 weeks before she even realised it was gone..........I am back to being "gay" blah blah!

Is this just happening to me??? I already know all the people who have perfect children but is there anyone else out there who puts up with this kind of crap...please I am begging you come forward and cleanse your soul and make me feel better..lie if you have to!

Those little grandies of mine are sure growing up fast aren't they! Emily still comes for a sleepover at least once a week. Last time she was here I spotted her doing something naughty (I saw it in the reflection of the oven)...when I scolded her she was shocked how I knew so I told her I had eyes in the back of my head. This fascinated her so she tested me a few times to see if I knew what she was doing (and I did because I could see it in the reflection)...she stood there gobsmacked and then tried it out herself and sadly told me the eyes in the back of her head must be blind. I told her only Mum's and Nannys have eyes in the back of their heads lol. Gotta love gullible kids!

Six weeks ago I paid for a three month membership to the gym and I went for the first time yesterday..better late than never...for the first week I am supposed to do 5 minutes on the rowing machine, 10 minutes on the exercise bike, 5 minutes on the cross tainer and 10 minutes on the tread mill, then repeat.....My first day I did the rowing machime, exercise bike, the cross trainer hurt too much so I quit after one minute, did five minutes on the treadmill and decided to skip dpoing it all again...but today I felt guilty so I decided to go back and try harder....when I got the the Police Youth Club (where the gym is) the car park was chockers with police cars and there was a channel nine news crew at the door...I wasn't sure what to do , didn't know if I should enter then thought buggar it I will just walk in now....just as some important police union official was walking out and the camera crews were all scuffling for photos and here am I with my daggy trackies on water bottle in hand dodging microphones and flashes and cameras...lol, they must have edited me out because I wasn't on the news tonight. Damn, I missed my big chance to be famous!

I had to clean the salt cell on the pool the other day, it had been ages since I had done it and it was completely clogged with salt....made it nice and clean then screwed on the cap but unfortunately when I turned everything back on it was leaking like a sieve. I went to take the lid back off to check it out and the lid would not budge. I put on some rubber gloves so I could get a better grip but I still couldn't get the damn thing off. Asked Duane if he could get it off but nope, no luck...thinking it was buggared anyway I thought I would tap it with a hammer to see if I could loosen it...but still no luck. I called the pool shop and they said they would send someone over to look at replacing the whole salt cell thingy...The guy came and unscrewed it first go...so remember folks clockwise to do something up and anticlockwise to undo...it cost me thirty bucks to find that out!!!

Talk to you all again soon