My pajama pants are officially dead. Today when I hung them on the line I realised this was the end. Martin will be so pleased, he is always telling me off for getting around in rags. It's not that I can't afford new stuff I just seem to get my favourites and wear them into the ground. If I know I don't have to go out anywhere I will slob around in pj's all day...there is something comforting about elasticised waists. It's almost as if they are saying "you know I think you may have gained a few pounds, but dont't panic I will just stretch a little further!"
The only thing worse than my daggy wardrobe is my shoe collection...I gave up on trying to buy new shoes years ago, my feet are just so broad and two different sizes so I just buy thongs. I have my every day thongs which are three years old and like my pj's are almost buggared. Then I have my shopping thongs which are a little tidier but nowhere near as comfy. Then last of all there's my going out thongs. Thankfully we don't go out to often as high heeled thongs and me don't seem to get along so well.
I think I will wait till my pj's are dry then I will carefully cut them into strips for polishing the car....may they live on (and on and on and on!).

Don't know about you guys but I will be glad when the Easter eggs are all gone. Every corner of my house is littered with foil paper but no one is owning up to them. I feel like all I do all day is pick up after everyone. I am going to screw towel racks to the floor because thats where all the towels end up and instead of folding the washing I am going to roll everything into balls and chuck it in the corner because again, that's where most things end up. While I am at it I will have a shower and drop the washer, razor and cake of soap on the floor to meld into a soggy mess, make a sandwich and leave crumbs and scraps of ham on the bench......and then (I am on a roll here) I will fill the kitchen bin till it is piled up like the leaning tower of Pizza and still try to cram more in. I am going to read the newspaper and leave black fingerprints on the handle of the fridge, all the cupboard doors and the table and then I will get the empty toilet roll cylinder and shove it on the handle of the damn toilet brush. While I am at it (betcha wish you hadn't got me started) I will make a coffee and spill sugar everywhere and leave half a dozen brown cup rings on the bench. I'll leave the lid off the biscuit jar so the biscuits can go all soggy, leave the screen doors all open to let the flies in and when Martin comes home after work and asks what I have been doing all day I can tell him to go to buggary!!!!!

thcuse me ith I'm talking funny but I'th jutht had a tooth out..Was just my luck to get a horrendous toothache the day before Good Frday. Today was the soonest I could get an appointment, so I had to endure agony all over Easter. It was one of those toothaches where when you drink or eat anything hot or cold your mouth gets like an electric shock....yowzers! The dentist told me that there were no cavities but the nerve was dying...I cant afford six hundred dollars for a root canal at the moment so I bravely told him to yank it out. My bravery was brief!! Sucking desperately on the nitrous oxide I endured the three injections with relative calm...until the moment I thought I was going to choke, I felt like I was trying to swallow a tennis ball. Gagging and carrying on I sat up in the dentist chair grabbing my throat thinking this was the end....no glamorous departure for me...I was going to kark
it in the dentist chair. The dentist tried to calm me telling me he had injected my soft palette and although it felt like I had something to choke on there was nothing there at all....to try not to swallow, it wasn't going to hurt. I felt like grabbing him by the ears! Then with an assortment of instruments and several of his fingers in my mouth he proceeds to ask me a question...HELLOOO! Not only am I choking on a tennis ball I have a gob full of objects....now is NOT the time to be asking me questions!!
After several minutes of yanking at this tooth it was obvious it was going to give up without a fight...he tells the dental nurse to steady my head....yikes!! More pulling and tugging..He has to stop every few minutes to catch his breath, we now have another nurse holding my shoulders down...I feel like saying..'Um you know what?, my tooth feels fine now, let's not worry about it" But nooo, this becomes very much like a dog playing tug of war with an old sock. Finally after twenty- five minutes I hear that sickening crack and the tooth was out...i was told not to eat or drink for four hours and I might like to take some pain killers. Might???? Went straight to the chemist for some heavy duty action. I have just woken up after an eight hour coma. I have decided that dentists rate right up there with pap smears and taxation officers!

Mum is staying at my place tonight. This afternoon she asked if she could ring my nephew Cody and leave a message for his Mum. She didn't realize Ebony was already using the cordless phone in her room at the time. Conversation as follows..
Mum: Hello is that you Cody?
Ebony: No its Ebony
Mum: Does your mother know you are there, its nearly dark?
Ebony: Yeah she knows
Mum: Could you please put Cody on?
Ebony: Cody isnt here
Mum: Ok , I will call again later

Rofl!!

Tuesday night her favourite show is on... Dancing With The Stars. Martin was very gracious and sacrificed his usual shows so she could watch it...I can't believe he sat through the whole program! She also sat in his recliner so she could rest her cup of tea on the coffe table beside it, so he had to sit on the other recliner which is rarely used and doesn't have the comfortable bum groove it has taken him ten years to mould.

Haley will come for a visit tomorrow so Emily can catch up with Great Grandma. Mum has 15 grand children and 18 great grandchildren so I am guessing it will take Mum all day to get her name right..she has been calling me Jen all day!

I forgot to mention that Chrissy and Tess helped me get music on my BLOG. This is Ebony's favourite song and since she won't let me put her picture on here, I figured it could be her contribution. She plays in over and over in her room, I should be well and truly over it

At the tender age of 55 my sister-in-law has just got her drivers licence. Not that she is a novice-she has been driving without one for thirty-five years! Naughty naughty naughty!!!

At least she drives with confidence, not like little old me..I am the queen of driving phobias both as a driver and passenger. I do not drive on highways, I do not overtake under any circumstances, I do not drive over big bridges...the list goes on. That is why I will never be able to have a fight with Wendie or I won't be able to go to SWIG. (We take my car but she drives.). Martin gets annoyed if I ever have to drive him somewhere as he reckons we take the scenic route via Darwin becauseI avoid scary roundabouts and busy roads. He gets even more annoyed when I am the passenger because I am the back seat driver from hell!

oops!!! I know what you are thinking but it wasn't me. Martin started to back down the drive way not realising his sisters car was parked beside him. If it had been me he would have said "you idiot ...don't you check in your side mirrors...blah blah blah" However because it was him it was his sisters fault for having the audacity to park beside him. Her car is jinxed, it has only just come out of the panel shop after its last bingle!!

My Mum is staying on the Coast for a bit of a break over Easter. It's good to catch up with some of my brothers and sisters while she is here, we love to throw around stories from our childhood, which I have to say was a very happy one indeed. My youngest brother recently told a tale that I loved...He says it was the day he knew that I had "made it". We were a really poor family with seven kids and Dad on a minimum wage. Our clothes were all home made or hand me downs and although we ate very well as my mum was an excellent cook, the budget didn't extend to certain luxuries. When I was fourteen I got a part time job working at the little corner store. After my first week there I received my very first wages...I can't remember how much it was but it wouldn't have been much. With it I bought a bottle of coke and a packet of bacon. My brother says he will never forget how I walked through the front door and announced "I have bacon!" (We never had bacon). He then tells how he and my younger sister sat up on stools in the kitchen and watched as I cooked the bacon in the frypan, the whole packet. He says he had never smelt anything so good. They then followed me to the kitchen table and watched as I ate every last piece, washed down with the entire bottle of coke. Although my brother was only ten at the time he says he remembers feeling immensely proud...he thought that anyone who could buy a packet of bacon had definately done well for themselves and that's why he didn't ask for any...it was my moment. I thought it was such a sweet story...then I told the one about the time I found him in the cubby house with his tool kit playing doctors with the little girls from across the road....forty years old and it still embarrasses the hell out of him!

The other day we bought Emily a swingset so she would have something to amuse herself when the weather gets too cold to swim in our pool. She thought they were pretty cool and played on them for a while....till she found my mop and started playing horsies...isn't that always the way?? I remember when we were kids there were no sofisticated toys, just a big back yard and a vivid imagination. I can't believe it when Ebony tells me she is bored and has nothing to do...she has a laptop, ipod, mobile phone, ps2, karaoke machine, DVD and TV all in her room. When we were kids a piece of rope was all it took to keep us amused for hours. I must be getting old I am sounding like my mother!

I couldn't put it off any longer....today I had to go for a haircut. I always leave it until my hair has gotten to the embarrassing stage, in my case it had grown into a mullet. I'm not into the whole hairdressing thing, I just want them do do their best and let me out of there. I don't particularly want to indulge in idle chit chat with the sixteen year old apprentice wearing her bum crack jeans, I don't want to read the old issues of New Idea and I am certainly not interested in the leave in conditioner with a SPF factor of fifteen plus. No frills, just cut my hair so I can go home. I stopped off at the chemist on my way home to get a hair colour....something to cover up the skunk strip of grey that has taken over the front of my fringe. How confusing!!! Not one of them say "light brown " on the packet!! Moccha Delight, Honey Gold....they sounded like hot beverages! In the end I went for one that had a picture of an older lady on the packaging and hoped like hell I wasn't going to end up with light mauve hair. You would think applying this stuff would be dead easy but straight away I came up against an obstacle. The gloves they give you are flat little things stuck to the instruction sheet....My big fat hands don't even come close to gliding inside them so they end up in the bin. I just squeeze the gloop all over my head, mash it around a bit and wait twenty minutes and voila! Brown hair!...and brown ears...and brown palms! No more haircuts for me now until SWIG in July!

I had to give Emily her Easter goodies early as I won't see her on Sunday. She got some new winter pj's, a My Little Pony tin with marshmallows and a fairy tin I made for her with a few chockies. The bunny lost his head almost immediately!

Did you know the quickest way to be a size 10 is to cut the labels off your clothes??
Did you know that the day you wear your daggiest undies a fluke gust of wind will blow your skirt up over your face??
Did you know that if bread is mouldy , you wont realize until you have eaten ninety percent of your sandwich??
Did you know that kids won't remember that you asked them to clean their room but WILL remember you promised them they could go to the movies??

How are you supposed to pick a good shopping trolley??? They all work perfectly when they are empty but as soon as it is half loaded it develops an annoying squeak and the wheels decide to go their own separate ways. Add to that the frustration of being held up behind the undecisive shopper who leaves their trolley in the middle of the aisle while they spend five minutes trying to choose between three ply toilet paper with pictures of labrador puppies or two ply scented with jasmine. It's not over until you have queued for ten minutes only to find you have just scored a trainee checkout operator who doesn't know the PLU code for broccoli. I hate shopping!

Today I decided I need to give up smoking (again). I purchased a pack of nicotine paches and dutifully applied one according to the directions. After less than five minutes it fell off so thinking it was a dud I applied another only to have the same thing happen again. Not to be beaten I drove to the shop and bought a packet of band aids and used four to stick around the edges of the patch. At this stage I was certain of a positive result, I wasn't having the urge to have a cigarette at all. Then the patch fell off again..off to the shop again to buy some fabric band aid strips as I was certain they would have better sticking power. I was wrong! I put the patch in the bin and had a cigarette (or two)

It has occured to me just how many mundane every day happenings are actually quite scientific. I discovered this whilst dunking biscuits into my coffee. If the biscuit isn't dunked long enough it will still be required to be chewed...which of course defeats the whole purpose of dunking the biscuit in the first place. However should you dunk the biscuit for too long the top half topples off and drops into your coffee leaving a slurry at the bottom of your cup which is not a good thing. For those interested I have found that counting to four is exact scientific formula for the perfectly dipped biscuit. My biscuit of choice at the moment is oat and fruit which contains less than 1 gram of fat which of course means instead of having just one you can have three, four or even five!

Did I mention I have a very cute little
grandaughter??? Emily...or "The Devine Miss Em" as I prefer to call her is almost three and expecting a baby brother or sister early in October. I am very experienced at this whole Nanna thing now and try to have Emily sleep over once a week. It's not at all unusual for me to be sitting up at three in the morning watching the Wiggles and singing along with Jeff, Greg , Anthony and Emily's personal favourite Murray!